Awaken my spirit, Lord

With the recent tsunmi tragedy that affected our neighbours, it is by no coincidence that we were spared of this calamity. Others may attribute it to our geographic location, by chance, by luck, but don't they recognize that it's the hand of God protecting this land? So much as happened to our neighbours in these recent years and Singapore has been shielded time and time again from a huge disaster from happening. It is indeed the grace of God that preserved us so that we may rise up to fulfill the Antioch calling that He's placed upon us in this land.

Lord may you awaken me to see that the times are so urgent, so pressing, so precious. Help me not to take for granted what I have enjoyed all my life and to appreciate and cherish all that you've given me. I'm humbled by all these because it is not of our own merit, but simply because you're a God of grace and mercy. A god of comopassion and a God of love. I pray for boldness to speak your truth to those who need to know you, who need to get back to you, who need you in their lives. Open my eyes to look beyond my own world and to see and know your heart for those you died for. Your love for them, that none shall perish and have eternal life. Especially for those close to my heart, to make right with them before the new year and to live a life that radiates your love and all that you are.

Tonight as we pray, may you raise up from among us prayer warriors and intercessors who will pray like never before. Who will press in to pray until there is a breakthrough in the heavenly realms. Who will know what is your heart. Who will count as righteouness and whose prayers will avail much.

Lets usher in the new year by covering it with prayer. For God to be soverign in all that has happened and all that will be in the new year.

Discerning Spirit

Been reading up some articles on the gift of discernment and there are so many views on the purpose and how to exercise it. Quite honestly it's not something that I have been exercising though as a woman I do have much experiences on my "gut feel" But the gift of discernment goes deeper than that, in that it is able to test the spirits and know if a word, a person's spirit is correct or wrong. And also this comes with much sensitivity of the Holy Spirit, which will come about through prayers and a deeper intimacy with the Lord. I want to learn how to get into it and be used by God in this area.

Lord, awaken my senses that I may be more sensitive to HS and begin to operate in the giftings that you have given me. And not just in this area, but allow me to be stretched to used in the way that you have created me for.

Work resumes on 6th 2005!


I'm elated. Understand of the year. But I'll treasure this time and make the best of it to make plans for the new year. It's going to be an exciting year ahead.

Sacrifice

As I stood in today's 10am service singing the chorus of a Christmas carol, my heart felt a pang of pain, of disappointment, of regret, of sadness. My parents did not come to church as promised the day before. But I should have known... but I could have done more.

Christmas, the time to remember the greatest sacrifice of all, when God gave his only begotten Son without with holding the very best for you and I. And here I am not even willing to make a small sacrifice to accompany my parents to go for the morning service, just because I wanted to get more rest with a full day's programme for today. If I did, maybe they would come to church. Instead they went somewhere else. I guess it's not an entirely bad thing since they went to church, but still... *argh* Feel so ugly, feel so selfish.

God's teaching me am I willing to sacrifice so that others can know him, so that others can draw closer to Him? Find that in 2004, I have been more private, less generous. I must change.

Generosity.
I want to be more generous with my time. Not to be in a hurry with God, with people. To spend more time with others, especially my family.
I want to be more generous with my affection. To show more love and concern for others. To be more sensitive to those in need of a hug, a word of encouragement, a sms to remind them they are loved and remembered.
I want to be more generous with my resources. To allow myself to be a channel of blessing to someone else who needs help. To be available and have that spirit of helps released.

Enable me Lord I pray, Amen.

*Ah Choo*

Caught the flu bug after my visit to the doc and being out yesterday. The doc was so nice to give me another 2 weeks MC though I supposed to return to work today. But with the flu I had no choice but to graciously accept the MC and rest at home today. Having the flu accompanied by a nasty cough is not helping in my recovery. In fact it has caused quite a bit of pain again in my wound area cause I'm sneezing and coughing so hard. Ahhh and it's not even Christmas! I have not even indulged in the log cakes, turkeys, sparkling champagne, chocolates and all that glorious food and I'm sick :P Why do I always get sick at Christmas? Gotta pray I recover fast okay and I still told my boss that I should be well to return to work next week. Me and my big mouth.

Post Youth Camp
It has been a mighty awesome youth camp. Glad that I was able to make it and not miss out on what the Lord did to so many young lives. The presence of God was so strong in the camp. Such a sweet presence of God. And I've been personally touched by God in the camp through the sermons, the prophecy and also the honesty and earnest worship among the campers. Just so touching to know that God knows my heart and his affirmation of what He has bestowed on me. Still learning to let go of my own inadequacies and lean on Him and what He has promised. Yes and that He will turn my life upside down for the next 3 years! Exciting but also so mixed feelings. But if it's from the Lord, I'm sure that He will enable me to hang on tight and stomach this "upside down" 3 years!

Today's cell was good. Heh hope the girls feel the same despite the nagging and scolding from their two Mamas. But they know we love them and we really want to see them grow and mature and move to the next level. But I can tell that they have been touched by God in the camp too and it takes more than doing QT to sustain this fire.
A reminder for myself too when I get back to the grind of everyday work life very soon.

Yes and to do list on my 2005 calendar will be to attend Fire Meeting! Think that's one thing that God spoke to me about it. That before He sends a revival it is birthed by prayer and it is no coincidence that that's what the first church was doing when the Holy Spirit came, praying! But of course, even before I can talk about revival, it's also to have that line of constant communication to the Heavenly Father. Me and Him & Him to me :)

I can't believe how quickly time is slowly slipping away. In another 1 week and 2 days time, I'll be back at work, at my 9-6:30 routine. Bleh! But I just need to endure just a day and a half work and I'll whip out my party poppers and celebrate Christmas. And after another 5 days, bring on the champage and usher in the New Year. And before you know it, 2005 comes to greet you with a reminder that you've just aged another year.

And now that I'm reminded of how little time I'm left till I head back to work, I shall be more mindful and not let the day slip pass.

Over these pass weeks I have read so much. Probably more than what I used to in a year. I can almost feel myself turning green and sprouting glasses and chewing leaves, like a bookworm. But I'm not complaning because these reading materials have made me thought about how I want to improve in diferent aspects of my life come 2005. Be it physically in terms of health and also maintence, but also spirtually and also financially and of course not forgetting plans with Alexis too. I feel very rested and very thankful for this twist of event. Remember how I always complain that I feel so tired and worn out by work and needed a break. And rest I did. Though the operation was not something that I hoped for. But nevertheless I got what I wanted. Gotta agree that Papa God sure has a sense of humour.

Very good feeling about 2005. Am defintely looking forward to it and what is in store for me. But before 2005, there's youth camp that starts tomorrow. Things will be brewing and God will be cooking up a storm. (Huh? where did that come from? I wonder too :P) But anyway, good things are about to happen!

Time for a Change

Did something impulsive yesterday. I went to rebond my hair!
The following are comments from my family

Mom: You look like a China doll. Why don't cut your hair shorter?
Matthew: What so expensive!?!? CRAZY!
Joy: Very nice! I also want to rebond my hair.
Dad: Puzzled look (Probably thinking to himself, "Ddid she do something to her hair?")

Though I love how smooth and how neat my hair is, feel that it's too straight for my liking. But well as Sherly Crow sings it,"I said a change will do you good!"

Today's the 3rd day at my Grandma's place. And it's not as boring as I thought. Heh. Had some of my relatives over at my Grandma's place over the weekend, so the house was pretty crowded with plenty of company. Boy and my nephew and niece are so big already!So far I have kept myself occupied with books, x-box, tv and cross stitch. Feel so relaxed and well taken care of. But I can't wait to be able to get out of the house for some fresh air too.

Feeling much better and no longer feeling the pain. Moving around is also a lot easier without support. Still have to keep reminding myself to walk tall, walk straight, else I'll end up with a bad back. Just had my dressing changed yesterday so that I can take a bath. Gosh the worst part is the icky feeling from my hair. :P Anyway took my first bath since my operation and feel absolutely rejuvenated. My hair smells heavenly too. *muahahaha* Oh and I took a peek at my stitches when my dressing was changed, it's more than 10cm long! Hope it doesn't leave an ugly scar. My mom was telling me how lucky I am not to have to go back to the hospital to have the stitches removed unlike in her time. The removal of stitch was a painful one as the thread would be covered in dried up blood and when they remove it from your skin it can thug at the wound and cause it to bleed again! Ehhhhh.

Glad that I don't have to go through such agonizing pain. And yes my threshold for pain is actually not that high. Pity the trainee nurse who saw me cringed and almost screamed when she cleaned my wound while I was in the hospital.

So many things I wanna do during this "break". I wanna step out of the house, see the sun, catch a movie, get a hair cut, go for facial, go christmas shopping! I can't wait.

Thanksgiving

After a week of hospital stay, am truely thankful to be back home. After this whole episode, I am filled with nothing but gratitude to God, my family and friends and the doc and nurses who have showered me with love, care, concern and well wishes. Am so touched by all who came to visit me and brought cheer with your flowers and gifts too.

The operation was a successful one and the gyne removed a total of 16 fibroids. In case you have no clue how it looks like, the below is for your viewing pleasure. Beware! May be too gory for the faint-hearted!



*Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for any feeling of repulsion after viewing the above.

The gyne jokingly said that the largest one is like the grandmother of fibroid. It measures 8X10cm. Followed by the mother and the daughters. Took them about 3hours+ plus to get all of them outta me. That sure explains the nasty buldge in my tummy. However a washboard ad is still no where to be found, perhaps with some toning after I recover.

Today's the 3rd day since I've returned home and took some time to reflect about my stay in the hospital. Really thankful to these dearest ones who have showered me with immeasurable love while I was weak and could not care for myself.

My dearest mama
You held my hand as I started to learn to walk, took leave and stayed in the hospital from morning till evening to keep me company and make sure no evil nurse bully me. Walk me to the toilet, cleaned me, even accompany me to the toilet because you were afraid I could not cope on my own when I first started to walk.

My grandmama
For cooking yummy tonic for me, feeding me, coming to the hospital to visit me despite her old age, told me stories while I was in the hospital.

Alexis
For taking time off to send me to the hospital, be beside during my stay in the hosipyal and be there when I get discharged, be beside me, praying for me, making sure that I eat enough, rest enough. For holding my hand when I take baby steps when walking, cheer me up but at the same time not make me break out in stitches. (pun intended)

All relatives and friends
Thank you for taking time to visit me, pray for me, your well wishes and your gifts.

I am loved! :)

Another 2 more days...

Tuesday, Wednesday... Thursday
Will be admitted into the hospital on Thursday and having the op on Friday. Right now don't feel scared but think the feeling may creep up on me when I'm in the hospital.

Will be recuperating in my Grandma's place after I get discharged. Was in quite a fix because I would much rather be home and rest in my own home. And her home's too quiet with just her nad my aunt and I'm scared of being bored too. But Grandma wants to make tonic for me and she also has to brew medicine for my Aunt as well. And her place is in the West, all the travelling would be too tedious for her. So shall not be home for about a week. K but I am very thankful that my Grandma wants to take care of me and yipe spend more time with her too.

So much to do at work, so little time... And my inbox kept hanging at work. *faints*
God, please let my inbox co-operate tomorrow so that I can go for my op in peace.

For fun

The quest for rest
Not as fun as the Crimson Room though.

It's that time of the year where it's snowing. How I wish it snows here too.

I want a snowglobe!!

Holiday plans

Yeah Alexis won a pair of travel vouchers at his company's D&D. How lucky. We're going on a holiday, holiday, holiday....

Happy Deepavali

Not that this festive means anything to me, just that I get to enjoy a holiday. Just lurve holidays and there's another holiday coming up this Monday. Oh and not forgetting Christmas very soon too.

Slept quite early last night at 12am after watching Jurassic 3. Didn't catch the whole show, I napped for a while before that and caught the last 45mins- half an hour of it. Then went to sleep again. Then got up at 9 this morning after a well rested night.

Went out with Alexis to wash the car and went to army market at Beach road. Probably the harsh afternoon heat got to me, I felt dizzy and had a throbbing headache that really felt like it was killing me. I had to draped my head with a towel in the car to block out the sun while Alexis dashed me home. Kept praying for God to take the pain away.

When I got home, what followed was a merlion act, except no clear water but lunch and what have you. Sick and gross feeling. Think I vomited the guts out of me. The only thing I wanted was sleep. But sleep as recommended by my boyfriend does have it wonders. Felt so much better after that. Can still have Long John Silver after that.

Just one more week to go, before I will be having my operation. Not as scared as I used to. Just more worried about my job and hope that everything will be okay. I know I'm not indispensable but hey it might not be a bad thing to know that you're important. Oh my boss shared with me her appraisal on me and very pleased with it. Ha and she gave me a "5" for being able to multi-task! Good lah coz they DO know that I do alot of stuffs. But will be later reviewed by another manager so hope to have some good news when I return :)

Just finished my self evaluation for my annual performance appraisal. This is tough. Clueless on how to evaluate myself... Just the other day, my boss asked me how much is my pay? Ha I should have made it sound more pathetic than she'll consider recommending me for a promotion and pay rise.

Gotta take time out now. Boss just smsed to say need to edit the self evaluation AGAIN. 2nd time already.

Duck rice anyone

AVA has announced that they will now allow more import of ducks. Alexis was amused by the sight of a man don in a suit with a mask chasing the duck in what attmpted to look like one of them before whipping one off the groud and making them get shots in the but*,just to ensure that they are safe for eating. But I was so sad to see them lead to be slaughtered so that they can be someone's duck rice or beijing duck. And I just went, "Duckie" and cried.

Alexis nearly fainted at the sight of the tears rolling down my face. Did you see their necks being clamped, in they go, alive and quaking, and out they come out defeathered and all pale and looking very dead. Ahhhhhh! What a sight. I think I'm going to be a vegetarian. No duck, no chicken, no pork and no beef. And guess that the host of the programme "Road Trip" are eating this week? Hamsters, yes you heard me, cute little home pets, hammies. I'm going to faint too. So cruel, someone gag me.

One more day to November 2004

How quickly time flies. Got me thinking about how I spent the year 2004.
I must say that I've grown quite a bit through the months. When you're thrown in the school of life, you've got to learn to adapt, to keep afloat or risk sinking. But thank God, for sending people around me who have guided me along the way, be it in my work place or in the new cell.

It's been a great year nevertheless depsites the many ups and downs. God has been good. But still feel a sense of regret of what I could have done more. God is just reminding me that my life is not my own, that it was bought with a price, the blood of Jesus. And if I just live life as if it were my own, how wrong I have been.

2005, I want to pour my life into the lives of those around me. Investing into the lives of others, esp my youth. Gosh so much to do, so much to do... Can't keep still and not do anything, esp when it affects eternity. Yes I want to invest my life, my time into things and people that will affect eternity. Not some momentary goals and fleeting self seeking objectives. God enpower me to do more for you, to save one more for Jesus. And of course, 2005 will be an exciting year. Yes it will be!
Can't wait for Christmas!

On MC today. Down with cough, sore throat, sore eye and blocked eye. The doc was like, "Wah so many things". Of course lah, I'm not trying to pull a fast one on her to get a day off on Monday because of the Monday Blues. Then again, it might have just a small, tiny winnie bit of that. Ha

And no visit to the doc is complete without popping by the library. Borrowed a couple of home deco magazines. Oh by the way, Alexis and I are contemplating buying a flat. HDBs having a balloting exercise at some of the mature estates in Singapore and we tot we'll give it a shot. Coz this guy of mine is so fussy on where he wants to stay and here's the list.

1. Not too far from town
2. No re-sale flat
3. Not too far from his parents
4. Don't mind being far from mine though
5. Not in the north, because of the horrible traffic jam
6. Convenient and easily accessible

But I am more into the nitty gritty
1. I want to stay above the 7th
2. Need to have a spacious living room, coz I like friends over at my home
3. Excellent if we can have a bath tub
4. Near to MRT or interchange
5. In between our parents (I'm more demoratic, )
6. Must have coffeeshop, supermarket, shopping malls not too far away

We're considering the flats in Geylang, but the location is more like in Kallang just around the corner of the Old Airport Road hawker center. First thought, yeah black pepper crabs anytime for me! No lack of food, yippee!! But since it's a balloting exercise, will leave it in God's hand. If it does go well, we'll get the keys next year. So mixed feelings about it.

On my hand, feeling unprepared to move another step into adulthood, but on the other hand also feel excited to well be married. *giggling and starts to day dream* ok okay, no more high hopes now. But don't worry, you'll know if that day comes.

Egg Mania

Read in the newspapers recently that the price of eggs has gone down. Egg lovers raise your hand in the air and rejoice. Back to days of having half boiled eggs, french toasts, egg muffin, ru dan.

And here are some eggilicious MTVs for all you egg lovers, esp Joce. Enjoy!

Had a pretty tough time deciding if I should seek out a 2nd opinion before I go for the operation to remove the fibroids. On one hand, I really felt that it's necessary to have the operation because of the pain, but on the other hand, it is an invasive operation hence not very good for the body, especially since I has an earlier operation around the same area when I removed my appendix.

But going to see another doc might be better too, since I didn't really get the chance to raise some of my concerns after the way my mother embrassed me in front of the doc. Yes and this time, my mom can stay at home.

Felt very restless at cell yesterday. Think I switched off when they debated about wisdom, faith, and destiny vs choice. Maybe I was tired, maybe I was shallow, but I wasn't very keen to dig sooooooo deep and read between the lines. K lah maybe I am that shallow. Ha like how when bro ck ended cell, he prayed God help us not to be so shallow. Ta dah, the prayers talking about me. Not that I'm not interested in what God says and what the Bible means, I'm more a hands on person, I want to know how al these can help bring me closer to God, to love him more, to take delight in the situations that's in my way.. Give me theology, I think I'll skip. But that doesn't mean I don't care... Funny how I'm even defending myself on how I feel.

Feel like a thousand miles at way sometimes, from reality, from God, from people that I need to spend more time with, from friends and even myself. Gosh I sound so complex, what's up. So many decisions to make, and I really need the wisdom of God.

Hello Kitty

Macdonalds have recently launched their new series of Jewel Hello Kitty collection. There is a toal of 16 of them in the different jewel colours. Pay $1.50 with every purchase of EVM. I bought two of them already, the smoky quartz and rose quartz.

Smoky


Rose Quartz





Plan to get my hands on these remaining ones.
1. Citrine Kitty




2. Blue Chalcedony



3. Cluster Quartz Kitty



4. Geode Kitty



5. Black Quartz Kitty



Will upload the pictures when I get home.

Will any kind soul who eat McDonalds but have no intention to collect them buy them on my behalf? Having a sore throat now, if I eat, it will be suicidal and Alexis can never understand the relationship with girls and hello kitties.

Thank you, thank you!

Feel so restless without being able to go online at home. Some problem with bro's comp so the other comp's are all affected as well.

Feel that I have so much spare time on my hands now. Probably not a bad thing right considering how much time I do spend on the computer at work and at home.

Spend time with myself, spend time with God, spend time with my family, spend time packing my room which needs eternal packing, spend time reading, spend time doing things that I don't usually get to do. Well what a lot of things I have not done...

Yesterday was a slow day. Went for the first service with Alexis at 8 then went to grad Mac breakfast before it was 11. Walked around in Orchard, lazed in the library, washed his car which is already super dirty by the way, had dinner and more lazing watching Jaws. So different form two weeks ago when it was go church, do video and before you know it it's 8pm... Whaha no complaints though. In fact, we're feeling so free now. K I beter speak for myself since I'm pretty sure he enjoys the leisure pace of a Sunday afternoon.

Well excited to do it again for the next production, campaign. Think the motivation to keep going is knowing that a small part of what we do makes a difference and keeps things more interesting in church. Which is how I fel church should be, up to date, technologically advanced, mordern and oh so funky too!

The doctor has confirmed that the growth is 99% fibroids. So an operation is needed to remove it. Operation has been scheduled next month on the 19th. The visit to the doctor was kinda embrassing. My mom insisted on seeing the gyne with me and as you can expect she started telling her grandmother stories on how she got it and how my grandmother and my great grandmother also had it before. And she was asking if the operation could be delayed. But the doctor was like, "why wait, she looks like she's 5 months pregant." What a rude shock, you mean I'm that fat!!!

Oh well so you see having an operation to remove it might not be a bad idea. Maybe after that I cna fit back into those pants again.

Just finished the book that Clydia lent to me, " It's not about me" by Max Lucado. And the content of it, the title says it all. That in everything that happens to us, it's all about God. To be illuminated with this truth, sets so many things in a clearer perspective and in their proper place. How can I be about my Father's business, how can I reflect my Father's likeness, how can I be a mirror of who my Father is.

40 Days of Purpose

Purpose Driven Life*5 Purposes*Worship*Fellowship*Discipleship*Ministry*Evangelism
*New cells*Thankful*Grateful*

It's finally the end of the 40 days of purpose campaign. Today's service was a celebration of the Lord's goodness in so many lives. Been blessed by the testimonies that was screened, and these are only a fraction of what God has done to all these precious lives.

I'm also a testimony of God's goodness in these 40 days. Especially in my cell, where I'm taking the young ones. To see them being more commitment, being faithful in coming for cell and more importantly to see them opening up, sharing their lives, being more teachable, paying attention in cell, being willing to listen and not talk back when being "scolded". But it really gladens my heart to see the cell gelling together, like how the girls will make effort to talk to Eric and being less exclusive and not whisper to each other and share secrets.. at least in cell.

A season for everything. Time for praying, time for waiting, time to celebrate answered prayers. Thank you God for everything.

Tomorrow I'll be going to KK for another check up. Still anxious and a little fearful. But I know that God's in control. Be with me Lord, I pray...

Lego Church

Seen the lego church church before? How very interesting..

Go on, take a peek

Here's the report from the doctor on my ultra scan

Ultrasound Pelvis

The uterus is significantly enlarged measuring 18.8 X 10.8 x 7.8cm. There are at least 4 fairly well defined hypochoic masses present in the uterus. The largest in the fundus measures 7.9 x 7.6 x 6.6cm and is compatible with a fibriod. There are also 2 other fibroid seen in the posterior wall of the body of the uterus and they mesure 4.3cm and 3.7cm respectively. The 4th fibriod in the anterior wall measures 2.8cm.
Both ovaries are normal in size and echo pattern. No abnormal adnexal masses are detetced.
No fluid is noted in the Pouch of Douglas.

Comments
The uterus is significantly enlarged with multiple fibroids.


Princess Chris asked so what do you want me to pray for? Is it to ask God to remove the fabroids so that I no need to go operations or to pray for grace to go thru it? I told her why don't you pray for all, to cover all ground. But she relied but my faith will be confused and God will be confused because He don't know what you want. So I shall exercise great faith and ask for total healing. That God will remove it so that the growth will disappear by the time I go for appointment with the gyne and need not go for any operation as suggested by the doctor. Pray that the pain will not return to haunt me and pray for complete healing.

Though I know that it's not a serious thing and that fibroids are pretty common in women, it's still a nagging concern weighing upon my heart. So pray that I will not get too anxious or worried as I can leave all things to my healer, my Lord.

Woke up with bad cramps, so called in to take MC. Feelng better now and shall just stay home to rest. Been feeling very busy, still rushing to complete the 40 days video but it will be over very soon...less than one more week to go. Alexis will be most happy too :) But proud of him for his initative to learn more softwares to improve on the videos, the skills and the techniques. Less grouchy doing the videos this time round too. *applause applause*

Today the doctor from the clinic called and told me the results from the ultra-scan. It turns out that I had fibroid and according to the doctor I had a lot of fibroid! She said it in such a non-chalent way.. how empathetic. Anyway she said that she'll be referring me to a gyne in KK.

Well the good thing is, the pain has ceased since Saturday. And I do believe that it's the answered prayer at cell on Thursday. Thanks you all for praying for me. I have to admit that it's still scary. Hearing the way the doctor described it, it's a lot of fibriods! So not comforting.

For those of you who are clueless on what fibroid is, fibroids are tumors consisting of smooth muscle cells and fibrous connective tissue growing within the walls of the uterus. These tumors, also sometimes referred to as uterine myomas, are usually benign. They are common in women approaching menopause. (Hence the doc was initially skeptical that I had it) Fibroids may be as small as a pea or grow to more than eight inches in diameter.(Yes trust me it can be huge. My mom had them and apparently, she had it when she was expectng me and the doc thought she had twins!) Not sure if an operation is needed to remove them. But at least it doesn't hurt now. To trust that my stupid sister said this to me before my check up, " ..take comfort that you're actually not that fat coz that things actually weighs a lot!".. Thanks!

The gift of the written word

Got this in my email from Dayspring. And instead of a journal to record those moments, I know I have my faithful blog :)

How important is it to write out our thoughts and feelings? I’m so glad God decided to put His thoughts and feelings into the written word! I love to know that He thinks about us constantly and carries us in the palm of His hand. I’m thrilled to learn about His character and read about the experiences others have had in His presence. Words have power—and we have the privilege of preserving them in our journals every day.

When we take time to record memories, journal our prayers, and write down our thoughts, we truly give ourselves a gift to be opened over and over again. We can recall times of laughter, be encouraged by God’s faithfulness in difficult situations, and feel a sense of comfort by expressing and managing the emotions He’s given to us. It feels good to revisit the joys and even the struggles in our lives, because God is working in us and building our trust through every circumstance. We never outgrow His gentle and wise instruction. We never graduate from the learning process.

As another school year begins, we might all use it as a little nudge to begin an ‘essay’ on the days God gives us on earth. No due dates, no grading scales, simply an opportunity to appreciate the gift of the written word—and a chance to allow God to encourage our hearts and remind us of His unconditional love and continued faithfulness. Our journals can become one of our favorite reads…and perhaps one of our greatest teachers.


The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
ISAIAH 40:8 NIV

Goodbye everyone

Yesterday was farewell to 3 of my colleagues in my team. This is like the upteen time that I have colleagues leaving not just the company but the team. Boy I miss those who have left. And it was so odd coz the day before I had a dream that my ex-colleagues were back in the office and I was back where I used to sit. Miss having them around and miss sitting where I used to.

Everything is just so different now. Now I feel like a thorn among the roses... Feel so lonely with no lunch kaki, no one to gossip to, just chat and complain. Feel so left out at work, not enjoying myself.

Lazy Susan on a Saturday

Boy it feels so good to wake up at 11am on a Saturday morning...yes just an hour more before it's noon. And I'm sure looking forward when the 5 days work week will be announced on Monday when I get back to work. It's this very liberating feeling to have at least one day when i can sleep in as long as I want. Only word to describe it, Shiok!

So I did a couple of things that I don't usually have the luxery of doing on a Saturday morning. Read the papers while enjoyed the toasted kaya toast, thanks to Joy and her bf, watched the High Life, Lisa Ang in Australia (I wanna go too!), listen to the sermon which I bought at the Hillsongs conference, packed my room and cleared the dust off my stuffs on the table and now here I am at just 15 mins before 1 and happily blogging away.

Just some thoughts after listening to Chris Caine's sermon, on Activate Your Potential. Basically that a lot of people, myself included pray for God to give them more, more talent, promotions, bigger tasks.. but we overlook the fact that God can only give as much as we can contain. And she likens that to a cup that can only receive that much amount of water no matter how "thirsty" it is. So what this means? Time for expansion, be a jug, be a barrel. That before we can ask for God to fill us, we should expand our capacity so that we can receive more from Him. And also learning to be stewards of what God gives to us. After all if we abuse, misuse and didn't prove that we can handle the little that God has given to us, how can he entrust us with more... I need to pray for enlargement, expansion and wisdom to be a good steward of what he has already given me.

Keeping a Diary, Think again...

Read this in yesterday's papers in the Tech & Science Segment

Talking about a problem is supposed t help one get over it, but apparently writing it does the very opposite. Psychologist have found that keeping a diary is bad for your health (Gasp!), the New Scientist weekly reported. Diarists were more likely than non-diarists to be plaugues by headaches, sleeplessness, digestive problems and social awkwardness.. Hmm better stop that "Dear Diary" habit...

This is very very interesting because it seems to me that people who keep a diary or blog are people who are usually more expressive people so how does that explain the "social awkwardness" syndrome? Just an interesting to read to share with all

I need a break and on a break I shall go.
Took leave for tomorrow. No special plans. Just a day out with Alexis to WWW, Wild Wow Wet. I need a day out of the office, away from the ringing telephones and jammed up mailboxes. My life feels like it's sagnating.

Scary thought,Dreaded thought

Feel like I'm being encircled into the routine of the blah blah life. It's not that I hate my life, just that it's become a routine. Something's not right. I need somethihg more than this.

He will use what you have

This week has been a trying and busy week. Juggling with work, life, rest. As much as I try to put a smile to my face in the morning when I go to work, it somehow ends up in an inverted smile by the end of the day. Feel so drained at work and stressed. Gosh I just hope my boss is not so picky and makes up her mind. Whenever she changes her mind, it send me in a flutter. Women bosses... Ha and why should I grumble since I'm a woman. Well as much as I'll like to agree that the changes does make things look better, still it waste precious time.

Had very little time to rest and reflect but today's cell was good. Have to admit that I was not in a "leading cell group" feeling. Even had a bout of stomachache before I went, but it really made a difference. And for once, I felt satisfied knowing that God used that little that I have to offer him and I know that he is pleased. Seeing the girls being faithful and coming for cell makes it worth the while.. It really is. What better reward than to see lives changed in His image and in His likeness.

Finally the weekends tomorrow. Glorious weekends.

Darn,hate it, just lost what I type...
*grumble, mumble, mumble*

Feeling tired at work, I feel like I need a break. And that's exactly what I'm doing next week when I take one day off. Just one day and that'll be good enough.

Well heard a piece of news that perked me up a little at work, the company is finally bowing down to the pressures and will be announcing a 5 days work week soon. Yippee!! But hopefully they will not make us come in earlier, after all most people work past 6 so why not end work later right? Yes only sensible thing to do, so pray that they have some common sense and so the most sensible and obvious thing. I can't imagine going in to work any earlier than 9am!

Okay, gotta go prepare for cell tomorrow now.
Have you had a purposeful week? I hope mine ends more purposeful by the end of the week...

My Goal

My goal for today:I want to knock off at 6:00pm.. erm okay 6:15, realistic enough. I am suddenly more motivated to work now! *Muahaha*

Sunday is my day of rest

Was a tiring Sunday for me. Didn't sleep too late the night before and if anything yesterday was one of the nights where I had the most sleep of the week. But just felt tired, sleepy, restless.
After LS meeting, my parents came to pick me up for dinner. But I wasn't hungry and anyway it was still so early at 5. Watched them while they downed wan ton mee, rojak, satay, popiah, char quay teow... Can't help but feel a bit disgusted while I sipped on my celery and apple juice, secretly feeling very healthy. See, I mean this is what my past eating habits are made up of, no thanks to my parents. And now I have to work so hard to change what it has shaped me to be. Ok shal not lament on that and change what can.

Getting a bit demoralized already. Been eating more healthily but still not losing any weight. Sigh... K in my bimbo mood now. Never mind shall go exercise!! I'm losing my bet with Alexis.

New Leadership

Just as the nation has changed hands to the leadership of a new leader, so is my department. Yesterday the big boss called us all for a meeting. We were so excited, thinking that finally the HR will announce that we're officially on a 5 days week. But what a shock we had to hear that he annonced his resignation. It's really a pity.. He seems like a really nice guy though I had very few working relations with him directly. And now only that my ex-boss is also officially leaving to another department.

New changes.. new changes. A quote from Ally MacBeal, Change is the only constant. I agree. One has got to keep changing, adapting , to stay relevant. Learning from the old but moving on with the new. The team's pretty upset by it and have been going for long lunches, probably talking about it. As for me, I'm not directly affected by it, so it's not much changes for me. But still I welcome the chnage with open arms.

Today the Z monster got the better of me and defeated me. The initial plan was to get up at 6:45 to go for a morning jog. But alas, the late night last night did nothing to help me get on my feet. But strangely I did wake up at 7 but by the time I got dressed to go out, it was already 7:20, now a 10 min walk wouldn't do me alot of good. So heck, I changed and went back to sleep till 7:50am. And again I was late for work. But it was also attributed to the fact that I lost my wallet and I had to search high and low for it.

So the morale of the story is? Sleep early to wake up early to go jog and reach work early to knock off on time!! Triple yeah yeah yeah

Having a ugly day coz my face is breaking up! Zit attack. Yet another reason to get more sleep and drink lotsa lotsa H2O.


Yes and a reminder, Read chap 2 of the Purpose Driven Life book. Have you read yours?

5 Day Week

Alexis is a lucky guy. The new PM just announced that the government sector will have a 5 days work week. And that includes students and the army. The army has sure got an easier life eh, first 2 years now 5 days.

When will it be my turn? UOB you hear the PM or not? We must adapt, make changes, stay current...

On another note, I really NEED to get a new phone. And no Alexis the cover doesn't help. The key pad is dead! Object of desire?

See I'm so easily contented and it's not even a camera phone :P
Upgrade, ungrade, ungrade!!

Growing Bloggers Community

It's so fun to see so many of my friends having blogs. In some ways, our blogs reflect who we are. For the unspoken thoughts, the ranting and raving. And one of the local blogger who got infamous is none other than the Sinagpore Ah Lian, Wendy Cheng. You have to agree that this lady sure makes an interesting read. In fact she was reccently interview in the Straits Times on Sunday.

As for me, my blog is just an outlet to express myself. Though it may not be as reflective, or funny or interesting as many out there, I dpn't really give a hoot about it. I'll just blog away, blog away :)

Keep the blogging spirit alive!

Grumble grumble....
the stress never ends....

in a leave me alone, i want to sleep and hide in my dreams mood

Ugly Cabbies

Stayed in the office till 12am last night. Had to rush for a fund launch coming next Monday. Everyone left the office and I was all alone. Pretty freaked out coz at around 11 plus, I heard music from my colleagues work station. So I smsed my boss and told her that I will get the agency to email her for her approval and I dashed out of the office. No encounter of the 3rd kind but a bit spooked...

Today I left earlier at 9 and was so drained that I decided to take a cab. But to my surprise, I could not get any till half an hour later. What happened was there was a queue at the taxi stand and in front and behind were tourists. I couldn't help but overhear their conversation and the one in front of me told a guy in the queue that she waited for about 20 mins at the main road but no taxi would stop because they ranting about how long they have been waiting for. And while I was in the queue, I noticed that all the taxis that zoomed past were indeed on call.

Then another two ladies spoke to a lady in the queue and asked her why are there taxis on call. The naive tourists were explained that the taxi drivers are not really on call but merely waiting for people to call and book a cab because they would have to pay $1.20 more. The tourist were pretty amused and so asked why this was so. So the kind lady expalined to her how the booking charges go and all. Anyway they got tired of waiting and asked the lady in front of them to help them book a cab. And you can pretty much guess, before the lady managed to get the car license plate from the cab company on the phone, the taxi had already reached the taxi stand in less than 1 minute!!

I'm uterly disgusted by that behavoiur and reinforced my determindation NOT to call for a cab. All these sneaky taxi drivers just loitoring around to wait for people to call and book for a cad and refuse to pick those in the taxi queue and there were like 6 of us in the queue. In future I wou;dn't even let them make a cent out of me, it's NEL, MRT, SBS all the way...

Maybe I should write in to the forum about it....

Haircut
I went for a haircut today and after all that's chopped off, I feel like I have lost 2 kg! (Cindy, I'm already feeling it) Well got sick and tired of my dull, shapeless, and heavy head of hair so went to snip it off. I wasn't that adventurous to have it cut so short and what's more a big face like mine can't carry off too short hairstyle.

But I like it. Only thing is that I've gotta style it to prevent the 70's look coz my hair has got a mind of it's own and likes to head east and west.(Go figure) Of course if I'm lazy, I'll just tie it in a pony.

NDP 2004

Went to the NDP with Alexis today. Didn't managed to get very good seats, but the show was still good. The best part would have to be the dance where they had the flowers and butterflies. But that one experience will last me for the next 5 years. I'm contented watching it from the small screen. No rustling and gusling with the crowds and leaving feeling warm and sticky. But of course it made me real proud to be a Singaporean no matter how much I dislike the way of life here.

Me

That's probably how I want to represent myself
*just a gal*outdoors*just a phonecall away*day dreaming*in the park

especially since I'm in a lazy mood today

Joy says:" But you're not that thin." (whatever! no one likes to draw fat girls anyway)

Telling myself that I should be more disciplined to get enough rest. I just don't like to rest, don't like to sleep. Been staying up late, sleeping late, waking up late, getting to work late, working late.It's a vicious cycle.

Okay, today I shall tuck myself to bed by 10, hmm, maybe 11 and get my 8 hours of sleep before my face starts to break out, headache start to haunt me and body gets to intoxicated with so much caffaine to keep me awake.

But anyway the 40 days campaign is starting in two weeks time. While I do feel that exciting things are going to happen, I am also quite stressed by the mere thought that there are so many more videos to go. But it's good, good, stretching myself to be as "creative" (we know how subject creativity can be) as I or rather the team can, in terms of abilities and creativity and most importantly faith! But like what Huiling said, it's a dream team and I'm so believing for God to do great and mighty things in the lives of many through the 40 days.

Okay, enough said. 2:05 and it's back to reality, work :P

Something to share

You can now watch the Australia Christian Channel Live on the Internet. Simply click on either the Dial Up or Broadband buttons to start watching the best in Christian Programing from Australia and overseas. Your selection will provide the best size window for your connection.

Click here
Waiting to watch churchLive@Riverview. It's the church that Pastor Phil Baker preaches at in Perth.

Are you too busy for the Father business?

These words still rings in my ears. And this was the exact same title of one of Christine Caine's messages that I heard this week. Do I know what is my Father's business? Am I interested in my Father's business? Do I make time for the Father's business?

And the Father's business is all about lives. Not programmes, not activities, not the hype or excitement, not the numbers nor the size of the church. It's just about lives. Changed lives, transformed lives. I'll just do my part and He does the remodeling aspect. I'm just the hands that help around the house while he's the architect that decides how the changes has to be made. Though I may want to see things happen faster, changes to take place sooner, but I have to remember He's in control. He's in perfect control.

And while I'm trusting in your plans for those lives, teach me to love them as you love them. I want to see them through your eyes. To love, to love, to love with a love that even amazes me.

Chill out, Hang out

Place: Holland Village, Hagen Daz
Desert of the Day: Brownie with Cookies & Cream and Strawberry Cheese Cake ice cream
Verdict: Laughter and fun with friends. Though someone should improve on his jokes.

Qn:What's Mike Keating's brother's name?
Ans: (from victor) Stand Keating, cos if the brother's the mike, he needs a stand.
Still don't get it, just stick out your left hand and tickle it with your right hand. *ha ha*

And I shared my hair spray joke too :) Were you tickled?

We should do this, go out, bonding thing more often. Though I think we wouldn't be going back to Hagan Daz again. Deserts were disappointing but the fellowship more than well made up for that.

Well there's the 13th of August to look forward to. Yippeee =)

Tickle Me
 
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
 
The man is astonished.
 
He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

His Sustaining Grace
 
Feel a little cranky at work today. The work load suddenly piled up and so did my cranky level. Sought comfort in cheese fries but of course that only proved to be very temporal comfort. what ever happened to comfort food? Where's the comfort?
 
Despite feeling a little under the weather with a bugging headache, I went to meet my cell member to do follow up. All I can say it that I'm trusting God for a remodelling of her heart. Can tell that she's really sincere and am encouraged by her openess. Can't wait to see lives bearing fruits for God, myself included!
 
Just want to love the next generation, to serve the next generation, to reach the next generation.

Time out
 
Nothing taste quite as good as good traditional home cooked meals by the mama. Been some time since I last tasted her cooking since she started working. Now that she's working in the day, I do see her alot more and have more chance to talk to her.
 
Took time out to make a few phonecalls and say hi to a few people.
 
Update the blog.
 
Watched tv. Ha told some of you that after I get back from Hillsongs I'm gonna cut down on tv, which I have, next is the computer!
 
Balancing my life between spening time alone and with people. Something that I read in the book, by Christine Cain on the youth ministry that thos who spend the most time, wins. I'm not out to be a winner of any sort. Just want to be there for my sheeps. I'm still learning to open up to them as well. It can be odd relating to them, recalling how I spent my days of youth but it's slowly bearing fruit. Time is precious but so are they :)
 
Time with Him.

More of Sdyney


Hopping on the train at Central Station


Market City

Darling Harbour

One week pass for our train rides

Buskers at the Rocks


Lunch and shopping at Birkenhead Point



Final day and on our way to the airport

Snippets of memories from Sydney

Been exactly two weeks since I came back from Sydney. Here's some photos taken in the land of the Down Under




At Changi airport before our 7 hours flight to Sydney

All the ladies. Gosh someone is so pink!

Clowning around

It's winter in Australia at this time of the year

Sydney Harbour Bridge. We had to persuade Bro Ricky not to climb it

Absolutely mouth watering pancakes, from Pancake on the Rocks

Sdyney Opera House

Theme song of Hillsongs conference 2004

Huge fleamarket

Vast clear sky

On our way home to Singapore

Lessons About Me
 
I'm learning more and more about myself each day.
I'm learning that I can live more indepedently.
I'm learning that I do love my family, even my brother. (yes I do)
I'm learning that I'm actually emotionally stronger than I think I am.
I'm learning that work is not my life.
I'm learning that there's a time to laugh, a time to cry.
I'm learning that not everyone will like me all the time. (God still does)
I'm learning that God loves me even though I may not be as gifted or talented.
I'm learning that the old has to pass before you can welcome the new.
I'm learning that I am learning something new everyday if I open my eyes.
I'm learning that you need to cultivate your ears to listen to the voice of God.
I'm learning that the best way to learn is through the hard way (ouch)

Count down to 40 days

The 40 days campaign will be launched in CP on 22 August. Look out for that! The team planning for the weekend services is bursting with wild, new ideas for an exciting time in the house of God! Gosh so much to do, that I'm feeling tired physically, but my mind's just so active with so many ideas. God is indeed a God of creativity... and there's much more to come! Yippee

First leader's training session this evening.

You are my Hope

I know how I go on and on about how this Hillsongs conference has really blessed me so much. But another one thing that I must share is about how God spoke to me in one of the sermons preached by Pastor Jantzen Franklin about the Covenant of Sure Mercies.

I guess for those of you who do know me know that I don't think the world of my family. And if anything my home is the last place that I want to spend my waking hours. In fact, I used to tell people that I've got a dysfuncational family with my nag you to dead mom, can't care less dad, self absorbed and arrogant brother and my sis is okay, heh. And the most disturbing part of my childhood is seeing the things that gone through between my parents. Mom attempting to run away form home, being sucidal as my dad cursing and swearing at her, dad who don't care about the family and got himself into this sorry state. And I really use to hate him to the core and I used to feel that I have every reason to, and why not with the used to treat my mom, the family and how my mom also thinks he's sucha bum too. I have jyst so many issues with him, how he is, what he does, how he thinks... we're just like opposites that can't stand each other. In fact I use to tell God, you see how he is, how can I love him, how can I repect him.

At times I will think that it's because of them that I don't have more in life, more love, more acceptance, more attention, more opportunities... and I would feel short changed in life because of them. LIke if they were more spiritual, then I'll have a better foundations in my youth and if they were sincere christians then I will have them to look up to. Please don't get my intentions wrong, I'm not trying to put down my parents. Bt this is the real me, with my real family struggles and pains. So with all these at the back of my mind, I sat through the preaching and tears just rolled as we ended in prayer.

His message in a capsule is that we can store for our next generation mercy and give them a spiritual heritage so that we lay for them a foundation early in life so that they can never get rid of God in their life. AND that's not all, if the generation before me didn't store up mercy for me, I can do it for them as I store for my next generation. And at that I just broke down within me, that it doesn't matter what they cannot do for me, but what I can do for them NOW. And God just pointed out all these bad attitude and I know better than you mentality and in such a gently and loving manner that it made me felt so small and want to ask him for his forgiveness . And from then on, I have always prayed that my parents would return to the Father.

Last Saturday, I invited my parents for CP's 18th anniversay service, half expecting them to give some excuses not to go(what faith!??!) but something in me also thinks that they might just go. And so I just asked and they actaully agreed, PTL! So I became more bold and prayed for God to touch them, to be their God of Salvation, God of Healing and God of joy and peace. When I got up on Sunday, I just prayed that they will not change their mind and give God a chance to touch them. Thanks for the prayer warriors too. And they did make it to church! And the most beautiful thing was when my mom agreeded to go to the altar, though with apprehension and fear at first, but I knew that she just had to go down to the altar to get prayed for and for God to touch her. God did his thing and she was touched and more importantly, she has decided to come for church and am encourging her to join a cell group where she can grow. PTL!!
 
So here I am to say this, don't give up on your family. For me, it's just the beginning of a new chapter in my family life. It might not always be easy to love, to honour and respect, but I just gotta do it coz it honours God and I just want to do things that puts a smile on His face.
 
And even when you think that it's so impossible for God to invade your family, He is a God of impossibles and He is a God of Hope. My Hope.

How to make a Joia

How to make a joia

Ingredients: 3 parts friendliness 1 part courage 1 part joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Stuck in the Crimson Room

New Game
Try to escape from this room by getting clues and tools around the room. Have fun!

PS: By the way I havent had it figured out yet too. Drop me a hint if you've solved it

The past 24 years
 
Heard the sermon by Pastor Christine Caine on the DNA of a leader and found it most encouraging. If there's one thing I left the Hillsongs conference is, it's learning that great man and woman of God are those how know the importance of spending time with the Father. It's sometime that I'm personally re-learning as well. It's not always easy especially when my attention is demanded all over the place, work, church, people, family, friends, relationships.. It takes disicipline to say No to the unnecessary like TV.. oh yes that's one thing that I'm deteremined to do, less TV, less internet, And channeling the time to spend with God. And oh it's so good to be in the presence of God.
 
Been reminising about my past since the trip. Just recalling my 24 years of journey in life. The ups and down, the failures and the successess, the good and the bad. Sometimes I'm still amazed by God's grace and mercy. HOw can He save someone like me and use someone like me? But I'm thankful that through it all, God saw me through each and every situation. Everyone has their share of trials in life and I want to share my story to let others know that in God, and only GOd alone can we find our identity, security, future and hope.
 
Thank you for holding on to my hand as I continue to live for you..

Renewed, Refreshed

In a state of renewal after retruning form the Hillsongs conference last week. Still wanna thank those special few who encouraged me to go. Thanks for seeing beyond the me then and seeing the potential in me :) Gosh there's so much that happened durign the 10 days there that I can't even put my finger into it. Admist all the fun and laughter (thanks to Rachael, my daughter :P), there were also many wake up calls from God, reminders, nudging, scolding, encouraging, cheering. And of course, I felt very ministered by the sermons and messages from the various pastors & preachers that brought the Word of God to life and spoke to me either directly or indirectly.

Feeling such a renewed surge of energy and I'm just bursting to GO! Go and start getting things done for God. It just compels me to want to do something, anything and everything for Him! Whoo.. But gotta pace myself and always remember that I must first get into His presence and spend time with Him above all else. What good are sacrifices when the heart is not right with God? And if there's anything that I learnt from this whole trip is that, If it's not for Him, then why are we doing what we're doing? If it's not for Him, then we're only struggling in our own flesh. If it's not for Him, then it's just for our selfish ambition..

It's all about YOU..It's all about You, Jesus.

End of the week

It has never felt like a longer week for me. Will be shifting office in the afternoon. I have so much barang barang and I haven't even finished packing my stuffs. Good thing my new place is just a few tables away, otherwise I can't even imagine the aftermath of the move.

Received a pretty geberra from a colleague who's leaving today. To date this is the 3rd colleague who has left since 2004 and there'll be another one leaving next week. It's kinda sad after all they have become part of the 2nd "family". And it occured to me that my colleagues are the people I see the most nowadays. 5 days a week for almost 10 hours everyday! I don't even see my family or Alexis that much :P

Well off to dump my stuffs in a HUGE box and mark my terriorty at a new place.. Invasion alert! Invasion alert!

Post Holiday Blues

Monday blues ...
Post Holiday blues ...
Went back to work with tons of work to be done. My inbox was flooded with more than a hundred emails after bring away from work for 3 days. What can be more gross? I can't imagine when I'm away in Hillsongs for 10 days. *Gawk* Feeling very giddy the whole day today. Suspect it's cause of the disgusting amount of work, haha I'm allergic to work, maybe I should try to get an MC.

Anyway Bintan was fun. Basking in the sun everyday by the pool, swimming, kayaking, even went snorkelling :) Way cool. But a pity that the water's too cloudy, and the shots that we tried to take underwater didn't turn out very nice. Oh and we saw flying fish while kayaking, no kidding man.. it just leaped out of the water and flew thru the air. Wowww. Amazed.. Good trip, pity it was too short. At least there's Hillsongs to look forward to.

Okay, giddness taking the better of me now. Nite!

Of all the days to blog I choose today, when my vision suddendly turned blurred. I was just taking a nap when I woke up and find the world before in a blur. I've got my glasses on and yes they're cleaned, but I can't see too well. Hmm funny after I yawned and blinked, they seem okay now...

Made me realize how scary being blind can be.

I haven't really much on my mind. But just felt very disturbed at the recent news of the grotesque act of the beheaded American. Where has all the evil in the world gone? Into the hearts of men all oer the world. People kiling for revenge, people killing for love, for money for power, for what? I laid in bed on Thursday thinking about, tossing and turning and felt so heavy hearted. Where has all the evil gone? What happened to humanity, compassion, forgivness, love and peace? In a world where good and evil is at war, are the people of God also turning evil by not doing good anymore?

Maybe evil seems too strong a word to be used on Christians, but doesn't the Bible also speak of men who know God to be sinners, rebels and evil-doers both in the Old and New Testatment? I feel that the same is true in today's context. SIn are still sin, manifested in different ways, lies told in different manner, evil done in subtle and not so subtle ways.. How wretched men can be. How broken the Father's heart is....

Another year of God's goodness

Another Birthday, another year of God's goodness. Thank you for always being there to guide me, to lead me, and most importantly to love me. Thank you for loving me inspite my weakness and my failures. Words alone cannot express the gratitude pf what you have blessed me with. I just want to abide in your love and want to know and love you more. It's just great to know that I'm loved by so many of my friends. Thanks for all your love and all your wishes :)

Thanks to all my freinds who made me feel special on my birthday and especially Alexis for making my birthday such a memorable one. Shall post the photos soon and share my excitment. I don't wanna grow up or grow old..

Count down 5 4 3 2 1!

Another 2 days to my birthday. But work's been disgustingly busy. In fact was in the office till almost 9 tonight. But I gotta clear as much as I can zip off for the FNL committee meeting tomorrow evening. So by the end of the head, felt a bit blind from staring too hard at the comp and head was swirling. Good thing Alexis was in town and offered to send me home. Thanks :)

Anyway FNL, yipe exciting stuff going to take place at the youth service very soon! But to be totally honest I had much reservations to be in the committee initially after we had some changes to the committee. But last Sunday during the worship, God chided me for my self seeking thoughts. It was like Him looking down at me and asking me if I really loved him, and if so, why do I have reservations serving him and His people. Part of me was thinking that it's not even an event for me and work's so busy that I can't even be there so how can I be effective by serv ing in the FNL comm? But He just spoke in a gentle voice, oh..which made me feel even worse, the guilt! That he still loves me and do I love him?

After the service, talked to Alexis and he was concerned that I'll get my hands too full with too many things to do and end up complaining and serving out of an obligation instead of passion. Which is one thing I do very often, I start doing something with alot of enthusiasm, but later get tired when I don't see results and start my ranting no end. So I prayed about it and somehow what God said at the service kept ringing thru my head. Like how can you even ignore that right? So after 2 days of weighing out the should I or should I not, finally decided that Yes I will and yes yes yes. Not because the guilt treatment worked but because of the whole purpose of it. Yes Purpose. Sometimes even with the best intentions, purpose gets drowned and people becomes directionless, running around in circles being busy but not knowing where they are heading. So I thought about the purpose and yes I do want to see youths coming together to worship, youths having a service to call their own, youths bringing their friends to a service where they can rock the house down and most importantly where they are fed spiritually with the Word. And that's the Purpose of FNL.

So you think you're prepared for some radical worship, some life changing message, some fantabulous fellowship and fun. Don't be the last to know.. only at Friday Nite Live!

Birthday Wishes

Thanks to all who got me the HUGE cheery sunflower, choc cake, hugs, birthday wishes and prayers :)

Eeleen & Rach: It was fun just having girly chit chat and sinful waffles with ice cream and oreo cheese cake. We should do this more often. Waffles on Tuesday? :P

Jael: Hey girl, thanks for your prayers and you've been a joy and sunshine to me too!

A song that Rach & Eeleen composed for me. Thanks for making me feel special in your eyes *hugs*

I will be friend to you
Oh because of what I see in you
A simple girl who's simply living
For the cause of love

Su..san is her name
& she is so pretty
she leaves men dazed (erm..:P)
A simple girl who's seemingly navie
She came and made herself a friend to me

Thank God for girl frens

What Name Should You Have? by Lauren

Been a while since I last updated.
Had BBQ gathering at Bro Chee Keong's place at Bishan. Was a pretty fun and cosy time where the young adults gathered together for fellowship over food. So honoured to have the two senior Pastors grace the occassion too. Am very excited of the birth of this new cell that will take place forthnightly on Thurs evening at their place. Been wanting to be part of a cell for a long time.. Sometimes you just feel tired of always serving that you feel you want to be on the receiving end.
Work has certainly taken a toll on me. Feel fatigue and just dread working.How I wish to be a student again. Oh well, *snaps back to reality* Phoof..

Anyway this is gonne be quite a busy week for me. Got FNL meeting, training sessions, new cell, FNL... Only have one free evening for myself so I decided to get my dosage of exercise and get my lazy butt out to jog. Pretty good considering I didn't faint in the park! K I feel that I'm just rambling some random nonsense now. My mind's just not thinking straight.. Better take a shower and go sleep now.

Lunch Time recreation club

Today my colleagues decided to eat in. And since I've been out for lunch almost everydaqy last week, I thought why not. We ordered chinese food and it was delivered right to the office. And of course with a two hour lunch break, we had plenty of time.
Then I found out that they had intentions to eat in so that they could learn balloon sculpting. What fun. But frankly, it was scary. The squeeky sounds from twisting the balloons. But guess what I made a flower and a bumble bee! Oh I'm really good at this :) Woo hoo.. I am so going to buy some books and balloons and start my own business doing this. Kidding :P But I'm going to get started very soon..

April Showers

Ever since I started to work, I have been looking forward to each and every public holidays. Needless to say, THank God for Good Friday! Good Friday service was quite quiet. Not many people turned up. In fact I was also tempted to sleep in after retunring home late from the previous night of video editing at Francis and Joce's place. The pastor who preached used his magic illusions and drawing to preach. Felt like I was in a Prasie Kids' service for a moment.

Came home in the afternoon with Alexis to continue with the video. Was a long long day and finally 80% finished. Tomorrow's going to be the final full dress rehersal and I got roped in to do some narration.

Since I wasn't working today I went for a swim. Resolution I made to at least exercise once a week.. Ha which I have been failing at which pathectically. Anyway bad decision to swim without my goggles. Could only swim for two laps in the comptition pool before I gave up and just sokaed myself in the kid's pool. I couldn't keep my eyes open and worse i was wearing my contacts. Managed to swim a bit and just tanned in the sun. Of course, I was amused as usual by the number of guys who just tanned by the pool and didn't even once touch the pool. Vanity *tsk tsk* Of course nothing beats the sight of guys who run out to the poolside once they spot the sun. But don'e they know that even when the sun is not glaring, they can still get tanned? Himbos?? Oh well, shall not be so critical.

About time to head down to Roxy now. *Tata*

Things due in April

1. My confirmation at work (It's been 6 months!)
2. Easter Drama
3. New hairdo
4. My birthday! :)
5. A short get-away

Sounds good to me.

Make a Slogan

Click here for a slogan.

When I typed Susan, these were what I got
1. Make someone happy with a Susan
2. The Susan Effect
3. It's that Susan feeling
4. Leaves Your Susan Minty not Mediciney
5. Mama's got the Magic of Susan

I had enough fun. Now it's your turn :)

Beautiful Trio

There's a new TV serial on channel 8. The plot revolves 3 women, a young carefree couier girl who treats guys like cuisines, another a successful PR with the looks to kill for with a long queue of suitors and another a married career woman who believes in equality of the sexes. They are the independant woman who prove they don't need a man.. or do they?

I believe that people can be catagorised into 2 groups, one that needs to be in a relationship, another that think they're a waste of time & emotions. No doubts, I would fall into the earlier catagory. I dislike the feeling of lonliness. It's unbearable to me. I need to be surrounded with people, with action, with noise. I don't like being unloved. I want to be missed, be pampered, be loved,.. But sometimes I also blame myself for being weak in this way.

I hate the feeling that my relationship has the ability to affect me so easily. Making me appear and feel so weak. It's not that I want to be some independant woman who doesn't give two hoots about my guy either. So the key to it, *balance*. I wonder if Alexis ever feel that I need too much time with him. I know Alexis wouldn't mind more time for himself,(read my lips: sleep) I just don't like the feeling of coming home to an empty house and not knowing what to do. Before you jump to conclusion that I do not have friends, I do spend time with friends, but sometimes it's so much more relaxing to just be with my guy and do silly things, like play ji guo pak, stone or just enjoy each others company in silence.

Joy tells me that I don't have a life and I have a feeling that some are probably thinking the same as her. While I agree that my life is not the most colourful and most exciting, it's not too bad. Just wish that it's not always about me and Alexis all the time. Alexis needs to be more socialable. He prefers computers to people. Pengz. Haha.. He'll skin me if he reads this.

Shall spend more quality time on my own, which I tried to do today. I wanted to sign up for yoga classes but a pity that the time slots clash with my schedules. So with no yoga classes, I just headed home and did skipping. Tiring with a capital "T". Wobbly legs after that =P And now that I'm done with all that shall take a nice cool shower and pamper myself with a face mask :)

Got this email that informed me that I'm due for a confirmation review. That would mean that I've already been working for the past 6 months! That's not very long, but it sures feels like it. I've experienced so much and learnt so much. It's been pretty incredible. Had our share of new colleagues and colleagues leaving, frustrations, mad deadlines, disagreements with the boss, dept lunch in, struggles with so many tasks to do ( I can multi-task!)....

I gotta crack on brain on how to appraise myself. Like how egoistical is that? But that's how it works. I gotta appraise myself then my boss appriases me. What if she only grades me as "meets expectataion"? A grade below good? That will be pretty disappointing. Shall just see how it goes. After all, I know that I have given nothing lesser than my best.

American Idol and Beauty and the Beast

Man have you watched American Idol today? I rooting for all the blacks! They're SO GOOD! Latoya, Gorge, Jennifer and Fantasia. Oh gosh I lurve this show and I can't wait for the results tomorrow. I hope Ms Leah Labelle goes home man. I can't stand that odd slang of hers and I bet America would agree on that. Amy, and Camiel wouldn't stay long too. Anyway, Clay's gonna be on the show tomorrow too. Don't wanna miss it!

Oh and yes I'll be watching Disney on Ice tomorrow. Starring Beauty and the Beast.

Perfect excuse to leave the office earlier too. Been working late these few days that work is taking a toil on me mentally. Even though the boss is on leave, just feeling so restless. Morale has been low at work with one colleague announcing to quit :( and another one toying with the idea of quiting. They probably say it so many times since I joined the company but you just feel that the atmosphere is just different. There's a certain gloom to it

It rained today.. Correction. No it poured! Poured so hard, some places in the East experienced flooding. The weather makes me want to sleep at work. Been trying to kick the caffine habit but when without it especially on a rainy afternoon, can be a real challenge to keep awake.

Work has been pretty crazy. Boss getting cranky too. Suspected she's terribly stressed, which makes me stressed up as well. Suspect that I may have to work this Sat too, though it's my Sat off. Been raining so hard these few days, wonder if it will rain on Sat as well? If it does then I'll just curl up in bed and rest. I feel like I'm in need of LOTSA rest.

New Life

So exciting, my colleague is expecting! We went shopping for her maternity clothes and she was in disbelief at how HUGE maternity wear is. She was like, "Oh my gosh, I cant imagine myself being this big and fitting into it." And stuck her hands out as if supporting her invisible big tummy. I can't imagine that too. At least now. Sister Esther is also going to be giving birth soon too. Babies and more babies. So cute!!

Recently there were talks on the Parliment about the stork issue as well. But to encourage more babies is really more than throwing in financial incentives and 6 months maternity leave. Bringing up a child is a life time responsibility and for some, it really is a long time when the kid never seem to grow up. As it is, the younger generation is so outta control. I really can't imagine how things will be say another 5 to 10 yers down the road. Youngsters, and myself too, need to remember things like filial peity, respect for elders and authority, responsibility, committment, etc.... I feel that what the the younger generation need most in their growing years is love, acceptance and guidance. Living in Singapore, it's impossible to live on one salary. Both parents working and the child ends up feeling neglected and prefers to spend time outside the house mxing around with less than desirable company.

I'm making sweeping statements. Yes not all youths are like that even though circumstances have made them no different from the other youths. But some youths have a sense of responsibilty and know that as a child, as a student, what is their first priority. Good for these kids. My point about all these? It'sw more than money issue that prevents Singaporea from havings kids. Society is so much more complicated. To say that child raising is a challenge might be an understatement of the year.

I wonder if my parents were ever prepared for me?

Congratulations - you're the beautiful, caring
Charlotte York! You are truly a classic beauty
- you love timeless fashion, elegant homes, and
fairy-tale romances. Despite the cynicism of
your friends, you keep your chin up and your
heart open, and you truly believe in Prince
Charming - you're just not sure what shape he's
going to take.


Which 'Sex and the City' femme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Feeling sick...
I don't wanna go to work tomorrow and it's only Monday today.

GOD SAVE ME!!

The secret of staying close to God

Susan's no preacher. But the little that Susan knows from her personal spiritual walk, Susan wants to share on the secret of staying close to God. Just one word, and like my name, it starts with "S". Submission, surrender. An act where you lay yourself down, when you give up your defences, when you choose His will over your own will. When you can say, "Not my will, but yours be done."

Being in a corporate world, my role is to be a witness, a light in the marketplace that shines for Jesus. But sometimes it really seems difficult not to get sucked in the system of the world. Not to complain alongside my collegues, not to feel the stress and the dready feeling of going to work, to keep the joy of the Lord and to bring hope to the work place. But the reason I feel this way is because I have seperated work from God. But God should be in my everything and in my job as well. I'm still trying to learn how to balance work and my relationship with God. And I do know that if He cared enough to provide for my job, would He not care to see me through the obstacles that I face at work too?

Submission, surrender. The Lord has been speaking to me on this area for a while and it takes humility and obedience for me to learn to sit at His feet once again. To do nothing but to gaze upon His loveliness and enjoy His presence. Today as I was in the service, I can't help but be reminded of these words. The secret of being close to God is to submit myself to His will. And if I can just do that, the rest will slowly fall in place. For me to make a difference in the marketplace, to keep humbled, to remain grateful and thankful, to keep serving God and His people, to want to know Him more, to love Him and His people more....

All good things starts with "S"...
Saviour
Salvation
Secret of knowing God
Submission
Surrender
Susan :)

Dazed

Felt zombiefied today. Head seems to be swimming and feeling half awake the whole day. Slept till 10 this morning and even took a short nap. But I'm already sleepy and yawning away.

High heels- peppy, up-beat, and outgoing, you are
most likely a cheerleader of some sort. You
are usually happy and insist that others are
too. When you aren't cheering you are probably
at a party having a blast. [please vote! thank
you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ewww I don't like that design. Looks like the footwear of a retro ah-lian. And thank you but to be associated with a lian is no compliment. Now my kind of shoe would be a kitten heeled, pink pokka dot slip on. Something that's naughty and nice, sweet and cute. Or maybe something with butterflies or ribbons or beads and frills.

My life has been rated:
See what your rating is!

I'm a 12? What's that supposed to mean?
Having a mean headache that's getting me down. Think it will be an early night for me, of course after American Idol is over. Oh boy, this week's group is SO good! Esp Latoya, like I was so WOW after I heard her. Yeah she's got a quiet confidence about her which makes her SHINE! Sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it.

Latoya got through and so did Amy. OK, time to sleep

Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

This morning I had to literally drag myself outta bed to go to work. Work has been pretty dreadful for me these days. Feel demoralized because I'm feeling that I'm not contributing my best... yet. So that means that I have room to improve, more learning opportunities and the potential to explore and the chance to pick up new skills. I don't always feel the compelling urge to give my best in what I do, but recently I've been feeling more dis-satified workwise. But only because I feel that I could do a lot more. Sometimes what I feel I'm doing is simply fighting fire everyday. But oh well, somethings are really beyond me, so no pont worrying about those. Just keep focused on what's important in my job and give it my best.

Only thing that I was satisfied by the end of the day, is that I managed to develop collaterals for an up-coming promotion. Not seeing eye to eye with the boss on somethings and it really bothers me alot. Haha I've been complaining about it to Alexis alot! He knows what I'm facing and I do feel like I'm put in a difficult position, trying to balance the demands of the job and the boss....

But at the end of the day, no matter how unhappy I am, I still remind myself to remain grateful!:) Doing my QT helps me keep my attitudes and life in check too. Truth be told, my mind is still a battle ground with the baddie thoughts and goodie thoughts. It's a war that I go thru, but making it a point to keep my life open to God so that He can show me the areas that I need Him more so that I can be transformed daily in His image and in His likeness.

Gosh time for bed now...Night people.