Sianz...

One word that sums up my feeling towards going back to work in 2 weeks time.

After a good 4 months away from the office, I will have to drag myself back to the routine of 9-5...dunoe what my new timing will be. Hoping that when I go back to work, I can work from 8:30 to 6pm and leave on the dot to pick baby Sophie from the infant care centre.

Gosh I'm going to be the one suffering from separation anxiety from my little one. Better prepare more tissues on the first day I go back to work. Haha.

Sianz also describes my feeling when I look at my wardrobe and see the clothes that I can no longer fit into and the money I have to spend for a new wardrobe. Yes and not to mention my shoes too...

SIANZ ah..

Speedy Gonzales

These days with a baby around, I have become Speedy Gonzales. From eating, to bathing, to doing the houswork, and I think even my beloved shopping trips are a fraction of what they used to be.

In fact I think I no longer savour my food anymore and just gulp it down fearing that she will make noise half way during my meals. The good thing is she's usually asleep when we're out so meals outsides are more "peaceful" compared to meals taken at home.

There was once, I was halfway cooking dinner and Alexis has to take over the cooking because she was crying for milk. Fortunately for him, dinner was a simple affair of pasta. So everything could just be dumped into the pan. Pasta, ham, mushroom and sauce. Hehe and that's how I conned a dinner cooked by him :P

Probably this training will be helpful when I go back to work too. In fact, I think I'll need more speed when I return to work. Cant imagine the morning rush having to wake her up, feed her, change her diapers and clothes and the for me to bathe, change, apply make up and then hopefully have some breakfast. Gosh, what time do I have to wake up everyday? 6?

We're training her to wake up earlier in the day so that hopefully she'll get used to this routine when it's time for me to return to work which sadly is in 3 weeks time. So baby Sophie, you better co-operate.

Alone at home with baby Sophie on a lazy Tuesday. The only sound in the house is that of her happily sucking on her thumb. *zuk zuk zuk* She started sucking her fingers about a month ago and has recently picked it up again and this time with a vengeance and only sucks her thumb!We tried to "exchange" her thumb for the pacifier but I guess nothing beats having a perfectly fit pacifier that is softer than a rubber teat in her mouth.

There are days when she prefers it over milk and we'll have to pry her thumb away from her mouth to stuff the bottle or my boob in. But we'll have to keep trying to make her take the pacifier else it will be harder to wean her off her thumb which is so easily available. Not to mention that it's certainly not a very ladylike thing to do.

Anyway, decided that I shall blog about me instead of baby Sophie and reclaim some identity of my own :)

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Cant believe that December is round the corner now. Also means it's almost Christmas, back to work (gasp!) and also Alexis's birthday. He turns 31 this year... sorry for exposing your real age dear.

Last night I got upset... (I blame my erratic emotions on post delivery) partially because Sophie has disappointed me when she decided to sleep at 11pm instead of 8pm which she did last night. This also means another evening spent coaxing her and less time with the hubby. I have already adjusted my expectations that our evenings (and even some days) will no longer just be about the two of us ever since we knew a baby is on the way. But what gets to me is even when we have time alone, he chooses to sit in front of his computer surfing the internet.

When he's home, I long for adult conversations after a day of baby talk with Sophie. And somedays after hearing a day's of mom's complains about my dad, her negative attitude rubs off me when I begin to find fault and pick on Alexis too. Of course, I cant push the blame on her for my behavior and I don't think I can justify it by saying that it's because of all the whining that I hear from her that I am also turning into a whiner myself. I am a strong believer that one has to take responsibility of my choices, my actions and one's consequences. That's also one reason I choose not to be too near her as her attitude really affected my self esteem when I was younger. Another story altogether...

So last night, I decided that I will choose to be thankful for what I have in my life and make 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 the hallmark of my relationship with Alexis and Sophie.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails.

This is what I want in my heart for my hubby and daughter. To build my family up with kind words and in so imparting the right values to Sophie. To teach her that somedays when its hard to love, we still do so because love bears no records of wrong. But most importantly, we love because God first loved us.

I love you Alexis and Sophie :)