Post Christmas

Hit by the flu bug and am down with a nasty sore throat that is burning me. I took the chance to catch up on a lot of sleep, slept till 10 then took another 2 hour nap. I feel recharged but not so roaring to go yet.

Christmas this year was an absolute blast. So glad to see the younger ones serving in this year's christmas drama and hearing how they can't wait for Easter drama to be involved as well. To see the pride and joy on their faces as it all came to an end. Props to the Drama Director and Mom to be Jocelyn. And everyone else involved was just superb. You see the unity, the fun and the love among everyone.

And the All Star party was a blast too! Looking lian with my ah beng and ah lian cell and actually bagging the best dressed table. Such find and joy :)

And the LC party too with maddness when playing scattergories and watching how ladies turn into wrestlers oh and wine appreciation too. Love every moment of Christmas this year.

So blessed to see my sister back in church and loving it. It's been about time too.
Thank God for my new job, Praise the Lord! For mutiplication in the cell. For new frens and opportunities to share Christ with them. For learning to trust and trust and when it fails, I can live by faith. He has been so so good that I dun even know where to start.

Been an awesome week at camp

I have been very blessed at the camp and despite feeling bad that I couldn't attend my girlfren's wedding, I think I would have missed even more if I didn't make it for camp. This was a much needed break and personal retreat with so much that has been happening in my life. Was ministered by the side spiltting messages by the two pastors and more importantly of how these simple yet much forgotten messages rang in me. LIke the importance of knowing our position in Christ and not to be defeated by the neagative, to remember to laugh with the spirit of Issac, to laugh at the devil.. And during the 2nd night, I had a very strong impression and it almost seemed like a clear voice that said that things are going to happen very fast. But we must learn to be in the flow. Initially I thought it was my own voice, then I realised that it's not really me to think this. And later that evening, the pastors mentioned this again and subsequently by our two pastors as well. I felt this affirmation in my heart that what I heard is from the Lord. And it got my real excited, like I'm tuning into God.

During the church camp, I still received sms and calls from office so initially I was irriated because I told them not to contact me as I wasn't in town. But then later I begin to recognize that it's not really about my job, but my own attitude. And during the camp I was also anxious that one of the company where I went for interview would call me if I'm selected for the 2nd interview. Even when I got back on thur, it was still on my mind. This morn as I was walking to the MRT station, I begin to commit my job situtaion to God. I told God, surely if you meant for me to go to this new place, you'll not make them call me coz I was in church camp! So unless it's not meant to be then I'll let go of it. And meanwhile also prayed that
I'll have the correct attitude at work, to do my best as if doing it for the Lord.

And yes, you guessed it, the HR from that company called me for the 2nd interview! Can I hear someone say Amen?!! AMEN! God is great. When I was interiewed, I really feel this can be a place where I can grow and learn in the kind of environment that is more suited for me. So I'm praying that God will show favour for my 2nd interview, which is this wed at 12. So do remember to say a prayer for me.

God is good and I managed to share this to 2 of my colleagues Praying that I will be able to invite them for Christmas too.

Enough of being a worry bird..

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you no where.

Yesterday when the guest speaker came to pray for you. "Don't worry, God's teaching you to trust Him. Do you know that when you worry, you are growing shorter. (Here's when I was trying hard to hide a giggle)Then he went on to say how when we worry, there's a disk or something that affects our spine... Boy was I glad he didn't say, when you worry, you'll grow fat. And he continued to say, dun worry God will provide for you, don't worry about a boyfriend or a husband. Heh, God provided for that already yeah :)

This has been an area where I'm still a learning. I'm so tempted to list down the many areas of my list that warrants me the "right" to worry. Work situation, family, wedding plans, home renovation, ministry, and even silly things like weight, looks, blah blah. And even though I know better than to let these seemingly trival matters get a hold of me, I can't seem to get them out of my mind and just get so absorbed in them. But it's time to live a life that ie beyond just myself. I need an expansion, and no thank you to side way expansion. But to live a bigger life, an expanded life.

And so worry bird no more.. After all doesn't it say in Matthew 6:25-27

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Don't worry, be happy..

Yipe off to church camp today. Been 3, 4 years? Since I last went for church camp. Feeling excited about it. Time to just be in the presence of God, being soaked in the Word, fellowship, knowing more pple, like my roomie Hazel. Will be taking this retreat to sort out some thoughts for ministry, work, plans for 2006. Much to seek directions for.

I just deleted a whole lot that I typed. I'm dun believe how mad and angry I am at my situation. So much that I can rant about, I almost feel like dying.. correction I think I am dying. People who zap my energy at work and leave you to die. Why it is so ugly at work? I really HATE it. God where are you? I almost thought I was in hell...

I dun want to be affected, but I spend so many bloody hours at work. And for what??

Trying to suck it up, but I feel more deflated than anything. Feeling disillusioned with life. Feeling like absolute crap when you can't find a job to just throw in the resignation and get out of this place and tell them, good bye you suckers.

I actually typed that? So not me..

Nothing to be thankful for?

How about for the torns in your life?
_________________________________________________________________
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed
against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had
been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of
her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her
ease.

During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.
She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her
husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose
annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not
come.

What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her
grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to
empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm
feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder.

"Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered aloud. For a
careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he
rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that
of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

The shop clerk's approach startled her.

"I... I need an arrangement, "stammered Sandra. "For
Thanksgiving?"

"Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to
challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the
Thanksgiving Special?" asked the shop clerk.

"I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are
you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this
Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months,
everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. " Sandra
regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk
said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the door's small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, "Hi
Barbara...let me get your order." She politely excused herself
and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared,
carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed
thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly
snipped...there were no flowers. "Want this in a box?" asked
the clerk.

Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke?
Who would want rose stems with no flowers!?! She waited for
laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile.
"You'd think after three years of getting the special, I
wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it
right here, all over again," she said as she gently tapped her
chest.

"Uhh," stammered Sandra, "that lady just left with, uhh... she
just left with no flowers!"

"Right... I cut off the flowers. That's the Special... I call
it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me someone is willing to pay for
that?" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much
like you feel today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had
very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to
cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs,
and she was facing major surgery."

"That same year I had lost my husband, "continued the clerk,"
and for the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays
alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too
great a debt to allow any travel.""So what did you do?" asked
Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk
quietly. "I've always thanked God for good things in life and
never thought to ask Him why those good things happened to me,
but when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time for me to
learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the
'flowers' of life, but it took thorns to show me the beauty of
God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us
when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to
comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing
her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't
want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." Just
then someone else walked in the shop.

"Hey, Phil!" shouted the clerk to the balding, rotund man.

"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement...
twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk
handed him a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you
mind me asking why she wants something that looks like that?"

"No...I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my
wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a
real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we slogged
through problem after problem. He rescued our marriage. Jenny
here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind
her of what she learned from "thorny" times, and that was good
enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I
decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give
thanks to Him for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend
the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life."
Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too... fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me
that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's
providential care more during trouble than at any other time.
Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might
know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the
accident, she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those
twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them
ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?" asked Sandra.

"Nothing." said the clerk. "Nothing but a promise to allow God
to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on
me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll
attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you'd like to
read it first."

It read:

"Dear God, I have never thanked you for my thorns. I have
thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my
thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the
value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to you
along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the
colors of your rainbow look much more brilliant."

My colleague took me out for coffee today and broke the news that she's going to resign. I was half expecting to hear it but didn't expect it to be so since she's been here for less than half a year. But I suppose she already knows what she wants and I wish her well. Just that what lies ahead for me will be a nightmare since it will be just down to me. Why did I ask to go into products development. And to think that she was probably thanking her lucky stars that she has me to fall back on.

SO so so determined to move on. It's time,it's time. Where is my heart following?

I couldn't resist..
These toys are poison.



I am still short of tigger and eeyore before I have the full set.

Other poisons... Or rather destressers :)


Tinkerbell set. My personal favourite.





The set that started this mania..

Face looking a little less pau-like now. But still feels sore and a little painful. Suspect that I may have an infection cause it's taking a longer time to recover.

It's pouring outside now, perfect for an afternoon nap. But I'm not much of a nap person, now just busying myself packing my room. It's funny how I'm always in this "tidy room" mode whenever I'm on MC. The condition of my room is such that I can leave it so messy until I can't stand the sight of the mess then I'll start to clear out stuffs big time. Alexis just dreads hearing that and he's praying that I'll learn to be less tolerant of mess and keep our home spick and span. Perhaps I should learn a trick or two on tidying the house with a twitch of my nose, think Sabrina the witch. Kidding..

Was clearing out my old journals and notebooks which I seem to have plenty of becasue I can rarely get down to finishing one before starting a new one. And some of these actually date back to 1995! And also clearing out copies of the Revival Tesimonies. But as I thank God for His goodness in so many of these wonderful testimonies, I also feel sadden by the many faces that are no longer in CP. Some of whom have gone to join other families, but also some of whom have left the family. Makes me wonder how we can be so ungrateful to God... Puzzles me how our relationship with God is determined by other factors other that God himself. But as I read my journal, it made me see how I have also changed. Perhaps more cautious, more reserved, more guarded in letting my emotions and feelings show. That I have become more cautious to be undiginifed for God and not being so garang to "chiong" for God.

And at cell, we're talking about how our work environment prevents us from being the christians that we want to be. To be more bold to share out faith. But it's all about seizing opportunities and daring to be different. I'm still learning and while it's not natural yet, I pray one day it will be.

Adam was walking round the garden one day looking miserable. God said to him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said "I'm lonely, I've got nothing to do, I've named all the animals and I'm bored." So God said, "I could make you a woman if you like." Adam replied, "What would that be like?"

"Well", said the LORD, "she'd be kind of like you but kind of different. She'd be very beautiful and just looking at her would knock your socks off. If she kissed you you'd think you were going to faint. You'd find her ravishing, gorgeous, amazing. She would think you were the centre of the universe. She'd passionately love you, bear children for you, cook and clean for you. She'd get up in the night if the kids cried, she'd never complain about how little you do, if you ever had an argument she would apologise and say it must have been her fault."

"Wow", replied Adam. "That sounds fantastic. I bet a woman like that would be very expensive." "You better believe it", said the Lord, "She'd cost you an arm and a leg." "An arm and a leg?", replied Adam. "Tell me, what could I get for a rib?" And that's where all the trouble started.

It hurts... HURTS!!

Still looking pau like and it's so sensitive. But I went ahead to have my hotcakes for breakfast anyhow. In small, tiny whiny bites, Almost baby size bites.

Been feeling lazy and tired. Had disturb sleep last night. I "drooled" on my pillow but it was blood and not saliva, in the end my pillow got stained. Not a pleasant sight. Feeling sleepy again. Shall hit the sack and may tomorrow be a more eventful day for me :)

Having a allergy reaction to my pain killer and my eye is swollen. Now I really look like a char siew pau. Except it's a rather bloody one, with more than just one red dot.

I have to put up with more pain and no pain killer for me. How to ta han untill tomorrow?

Napping didn't leave me feeling better. In fact I think I feel worse coz my lips are all dry and I feel like I've been boxed in my right side of the face. Having a worse headache too. I'm just so not a nap person.

On 5 days MC, the only "perk" of losing my wisdom tooth. I must be quite insane to think that way. But I could do with the rest and the time to do some things which I haven't had the time to do.

My visit to the dentist left me with 2 wisdom tooth short. Didn't expect to get it done today, but since I am on MC anyway so might as well. Extracted the top right one while the bottom one had to be drilled before she could extract it.

I sat there squirming away as she drilled and I was praying that she wouldn't hurt me. She used so much pressure to hold me down and pull out the tooth that it has left me with a headache now. But my mouth and tongue is still numb and it feels wierd. But I think the pain is slowly kicking in now. So I better hurry along to sleep and not get bothered about the pain.

What's with the weather? Even the aircon doesn't seem to help. I'm so hot! Alexis if you read this, remember we MUST have aircon in our room next time at full blast. I rather be hiding under the covers than sweat in the heat. Oh well, enough of whining..

Today at Power @ Work, we discussed on the secrets of Winning @ Work. Talking about how God places us in jobs that we are gifted for and where our talenst lies. These were some of the questions that we discussed.

1. What do you like to talk about most? Usually our conversations fall into these categories
a)things we hate
b)things we love &
c)things we fear

2. What books and TV programme do we enjoy the most?

3. If you could do anything in the world, knowing that we would not fail, what would you choose to do?

4. If you knew that God granted your request, what would you attempt to do today with your life?

5. What do you wants others to say about your life when you've gone to meet the Lord.

I was considering these thoughts not too long ago when I was seriously contemplating a job switch. But somehow that didn't come to pass to my disappointment and perhaps God's timing. I was listening to a conversation that my colleagues were having and it made me feel like I had to take action soon. "After working at a job for 6 months, you'll know if you're suited for it." And after hearing our big boss talking about his strategy on how he wants to position our investments "People always fear risk and therefore do not dare to invest. However that they do not know if that by no doing anything, they are in more risk."

And here I am being in the same job, same place for 2 years. Maybe about time to take some risk. Not that I'm not enjoying my job, but if I'm, than why these thoughts? I just dun feel in my element the more I work here. While I have asked for great responsibilities in my job scope, I feel very unguided and lost. There is something within that is almost screaming out with restless that I want to take steps to do the things I really want to. And while the job's not that bad, the colleagues are nice too and while it does seem like a decent and good job, the politics is quite a different story. And the people that we have to "fight" with, gosh is just so tiring. And I'm just not cut out for this investment, banking industry. Coz I never cared much about it... Question mark as to why I'm here too. Ha Guess when I was first offered the job, it was more of a grab first then see how.

But God has been so so good to me, that this is my first job in a big organization and learnt so much. For the pple who have groomed me and have given me chances to grow and develop.

Being at the crossroad again...
God light the way.

Another 7 more months to my wedding ...

So much more to do, for the house, the wedding, the gowns, the plans. etc. Was just sharing about how scary the whole thought of marriage is. Houw you still have questions in your head on "so is HE the one". But it became a little less scary after a heart to heart talk with Alexis. It's funny how we became so busy over the wedding that we forgot that what matters most. That the marriage is what matters more than the wedding, the ceremony, the champagne. And that after wedding, we'll be sharing a home, sharing our lives, sharing our dreams and hopes and our future.

And I think that's how it is with our relationship with God too. It's more than just the Sunday services, the christmas celebrations and festives mood, but about the everyday walk with our Lover. How it still takes effort to keep the flame and passion alive. How God speaks to us thru His word like text messages that we delight from a loved one. And also how our eyes light up when we tell others of the one we are so in love with.

More than just a religion, it's a love relationship that grow and grows and grows.

Holiday for the weekend

Nothing beats a getaway. Hope I don't get baked in the hot weather of Bangkok. I sure am looking forward to this trip. Lotsa shopping, shopping, shopping to do. Oh and massages, manicure, local food.

Can't wait!!

I'm a happy girl.

EGG Time!

Winnie the Pooh Egg Chaps



Kawaii!!!

Roof above the head

All excited about the plans for the new house and the wedding. Hope I don't busy myself to the extent of neglecting other important things in life too.

Got the keys to the house 2 weeks ago and have just started to scout for contractor and furniture. I want the deco of my home to reflects who we are. Laidback, comfy, relaxed, bright and cheery looking. I wanted a retro look but Alexis can't stand it. Maybe for the kitchen then, since it's the only terriority that he has no interest in claiming. We're opting for the clean, contemporary minimalistic look for ease of upkeep in the years to come. All these research is even more work than I imagine! I have borrowed countless books and magazines on home decoration. But so exciting at the same time.

I want my home to be a place where we look forward coming home to, to share live, to unwind, to do lives together, to grow together. And where my friends can come over for coffee anytime or just hang out and chill over the weekends or even have cell too.

There will probably be a lot more in the months to come and the house should be ready by early next year so we can shift right in after we get married. Gosh this is so adult. Another transition, another milestone.

Attended a course on Six Thinking Hats for the past 2 days. It's a thinking course that enables one to improve on their perception and thinking skills. And you thought that thinking is easy. Well it is, until you realise the potential behind a more systematic method of thinking that allows you to broaden your perceptive and to reach better decisions. Very tool for life be it in learning, making decisions, solving problems, etc. Shall make an effort to put this into practice. And of course the trainer made it very enjoyable with all her jokes. Yes and people who can appreciate jokes are those that are capable of lateral thinking.

I heard this song, Proud, at yesterday's yoga class and love it so much. It's such a inspiration song that makes you wanna be a better person, to get back up on your feet when you feel you're beaten down, to life your face and smile into the sky even when the rain's beating down on you, to push yourself a little harder because you know your dreams are within reach, to keep trying and learning because life is such a long journey. A journey of faith, a journey of a conquering faith.

PROUD
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Planning for my wedding has taken off my concentration on some otherwise unplesant concerns. And anyway since there have not been favourable replies from the interviews that I've gone for, I might as well do my best for now while planning for my BIG day! But I want to do more than just hang on, I want to be an overcomer of adversity.

It's been so exciting. I'm planning for a theme wedding reception. Make a wild guess. Though the theme is not unusual, I'm going to make sure that the little touches make it unique and unforgettable for me.

10 more months! I can't wait. And getting house keys next month. Yippeee :)

Moving on

I want to move on to a season of spring. Where everything is in bloom, where the skies are bright that beckons you to come out and play, where you see the birds soaring in the sky, the flowers smells so sweet, where the sounds of laughter and singing fill the air. I want to step out of one season into the next.

Still doing alot seeking, seraching for directions and redirections. Learning to listen than to speak, to obey then to rebel, to be loved than to be unlovable.

Desiring to be in the centre of God's plan all over again. To know that I'm, His and His's mine and that where I am is in His great plan for me. To look beyond the here and now and to see with eyes of faith into what may be.

Project make Save Big Money
I'm on a new mission to save money. Lotsa lotsa money.

Money for the wedding (Banquet, gown, photographer, flowers, etc)
Money for honey moon to Cairns
Money to pay for the love nest
Money to renovate and beautify this love nest

Everything cost so much money and not forgetting the preparation behind it because you want everything to be the best. From the wedding preparations, to the BIG day and then to all the nitty gritty of the renovation stuffs.

So anyone who has any good recommendation for any related matters to wedding,
banquet, renovation, etc etc, drop me a note.

All donations for Alexis and Susan wedding is gratefully accepted. God bless your kind generous heart :)

Heart stopping weekend for me.
Can't take the heart attacks at work anymore.
So wanna quit.

Quit, quit, quit!

Planning for the wedding is so vexing...
Feel so torn, at work, at home, this and that...The struggles never end. When can I be happy?

I need to escape. God guide me but for now, sleep comfort me...

I think the downward spiral feeling never ends.
Talked to a couple of people and all advised against quitting w/o having first finding a job. But can I really stay on, stay sane, stay alive?

I wonder too...

Today I learnt that we can be so caught up in our own problems that we can block out everything, including the voice of God... even when He whispers these words..."I'm in control".

I want to unplug my ears and refocus my eyes on Him again.

Blessed Be Your Name
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name

For those precious ones who have walked besided me during the dark times, thank you. I want to find hope and joy in the Lord again and truely have a heart that will say, Lord blessed be your name.

When you start to cry at work everyday, does that mean it's time to quit.
Miserable, upset, depressed...How can a bride to be feel this way?

I want to throw in my resignation letter and be away from work.

It's slowly robbing my joy, my smile, my soul

Proud House Owner

Praise the Lord! Alexis and I finally got our flat today. He was ao anxious that he couldn't sleep last night. I bet he's sleeping soundly now. We'll be relocating to our love nest in McNair Road. So exciting :) Almost can't believe how everything is fast tracked after the proposal. Heh see Alexis,it's because you finally proposed! *kidding kidding* So here's a advise to all the lovely young ladies out there, you MUST insist on a marriage proposal before applying for flat. Don't ever let the guy talk you into applying for flat without a proposal.

Forsee that the next few months will be busy making plans for the wedding and our flat. Oh here's a recommened website for Brides to be. Think I'll be a regular very soon.

Of Hopes and Dreams of a New Life

I am looking forward to many things, some with more eagerness than others.

Top 5 list of things that I'm looking forward to
1. Wedding bells, saying I do & hearing I do too
2. Love nest for the both of us
3. Our very church building
4. A new job
5. Hmm..




Maybe just 4 things for the time being.

Wedding Bells
Alexis & I have decided to have our ROM on the 9th of September. It's a popular date as it's a double date (09/09) And do you know that all double dates are popular dates? Must be the first to e-file for that date. Reason why we chose that date is because it marks our 4th year courtship anniversary. We're planning to go for the next PMC which should be starting in July. But we have a slight problem, as Alexis has classes on Thursdays now. Maybe they would be so nice as to shift it to another day. Seems so far away and at the same time so near. Time to start making preparations soon.

Love Nest
HDB had their one day only sale of HDB units this Monday. These are the remaining units from the previous balloting exercise in the matured estates. Sad to say our queue no is 434, not very high chances of getting our choice unit at Queenstown or Bendeemer. The units in AMK have also been snapped up just after one day and it will only our turn to choose on Monday. If we don't get what we wish for, we'll settle for re-sale...So pray for me, pray real hard that I get it. By the way, my dear sister have applied for her flat in Jurong. Anyone neighbours with her?

Our Church Building
One that comes complete with auditorium, PCH, classrooms, office, maybe even a space for rach's cafe :) And perhaps I'll open a bookshop beside her. I really can't wait for the day. Heh Alexis and I were hoping to be the first couple to march down the aisle in our very own church, but we can't wait! There's so much to look forward to, like popping over at lunch time, having a quiet spot to go to for lunch, walking over to PCH frm my office, youth service on a Sat that can go overtime w/o worrying about the time, supper at Lao Pa Sat, own youth room and Francis said maybe even a whole storey of our own. But more importantly, see more pple coming for the youth servce, see the fellowship growing stronger.

New Job
Yeah, things at work are gettiing kind of messy and I'm really starting to lose faith in my company, in the way things are done and how business is done. Perhaps it's time to move on after all I'm entering into another phrase of life. Just yesterday morning I asked God for a sign if He's okay with my intended move. I'll take it as a yes, if I receive a email from HR on any job openings in the bank. They do send email blast to all staff from time to time, but not very regularly. And lo and behold, they sent an email after lunch..God are you telling me something?

These are my hopes of dreams at this juncture in my life.

Come see my photo album taken in Hong Kong

The reason for my frustration at my computer at work may soon turn into anguish as I come to terms that it may "die". Yes the death of my PC. Perhaps I should pray for it tomorrow that it will get revived, or risk losing everything!!!

*Scream in absolute horror* I think I need a absolue vodka to take that off my mind.

So bummed at work today. Felt so frustrated with so many things, like the people who are not doing their work, people who are pushing me around to get their way, people who belittle me, inboxes which has a cranky side, computers which I wish would burn up in flames, news of yet another reorg in the dept, uncertainties, fears, apprehension, insecurities ...

But really I feel so down in the dumps. So mad, so angry, so frustrated. It isn't supposed to be like that. Almost like a plea than a prayer that God would take me away from the stress and pressure at work. And to think that I prayed to God to make me a light where I am in the workplace just this morning. But going by the looks of it, I probably blinded them with my glare than anything else. I don't want to pass day after day after day, in an environment without showing or sharing Christ in how I live my life.

And at the end of a day's work, I just broke down and cried it all out. I know I didn't want to be so ugly, so mad, so bad, so easily upset or irritated....I'm only human. But so was Jesus was the reminder that rang in my head, yet he is without sin... I need to rise above the circumstances. I need to see the BIG BIG God in my life, in my work, in my family and start to see that though He is so BIG BIG BIG, I'm not small small fry in His eyes :)

HK was great!


Regret that I didn't shop more, eat more, shop more, eat more.. you get it. But it was very enjoyable. Went to the usual spots in HK, the peak to admire the city skyline, the Ocean Park , the Avenue of Stars, hike at Lamma island, took the star ferry, the tram, the mini buses, the MTR, the taxi, tried all their different transportations, had mouth watering dim sum, superb seafood at Lamma island, went shopping at the night markets from temple street, to ladies market to borwing street to jardine market till 12am, witness a protest by the foreign domestic workers.

And among all these adventures, the most memorable of all was the proposal by Alexis. *bliss*
The start of another adventure.


If I know what love is,
It is because of you.
~ by Herman Hesse ~

The results of the balloting were released last Friday and no we didn't get the flat... again. It's kinda disappointing, but I wasn't placing all my hopes on it this time. Not that I do not look forward to start my life with Alexis, but it's such a BIG step into the unknown too and I feel so unprepared for it. Plus we haven't attended PMC, ha! I think he feels the same way too. I wonder how life will change when I'm married. And well since we didn' get the flat, we'll just wait and see how it goes...

I feel I need to enrol in the school of life to learn how to balance my life better. With work, with family, with ministry, with Alexis, with friends. Learning how to juggle them all and do it well. The easiest way is to escape, to hide away from responsibilities, from committment, from duties, from obligations, from expectations, from everything. But it's just not right, that's just too selfish, it's so wrong and guilt creeps and I get all into this depressive and I hate myself lousy state. And yet having to care, having to bother, having to do more than what I want to do does tire me. I think I'm need some direction.I think I need a revelation of the BIGness of God. Yeah of how BIG god really is. This has been a crazy tiring month with too much roadshows, taking me time off from cell, from fellowship, too much bitchiness at work, political games. I need to immerse myself in a different atmosphere, in a Godly environment.

Quarter life crisis.. I think it's just an excuse too. Better stop making excuses and get pick up those balls and start juggling again. The get away is perhaps the best time to start all over again. To slow down, to spend time with God, to get my life in check.

So chin up girl and count down the day to my holiday. Yipe I'm off to HK tomorrow. See ya next week!

Hey that's me!

Taken from yesterday's papers


brought to you by UOB :P

Hong Kong here I come

The countdown begins... 2 more weeks to go.

BBQ was a blast after all. Had lots of fun playing dog and bone, wacky moments, hilarious moments, think pretty boys in their ru hua state (Sure gotta post one of their faces here!), cooking, eating, fellowshipping and bonding.

Thanks to all who came, yes a record breaking of 65 of you! And of course those who helped out in one way or another from buying stuffs, to preparing food, to cooking to the bringing your friends, to just being there and being a part of this youth family and I really think it's what the pastors talked about today at the service. I lobe this youth family and I want to still be a part of this dynamic, energetic, bubbly, lively bunch.

And after this I gotta start to take care of myself. Picked up some tips from my dear sista, Charlotte, aka the YOUNG one on how to start preserving myself so I can keep youthful. Take care of myself, inside and out,ie physically, mentally and spiritually. So it's time to hit those minimum 7 hours of sleep.

Zzzz land here I come.

Everything is going down hill even before I reach the mark of a quarter of a century. Feel so disfigured by my terrible terrible complexion that I dread seeing myself in the mirror. I need a facial, I need a face lift, I need botox!

Anyway I'll be taking part in my bank's roadshow whicg is going to burn up a couple of my weekends. So please come and support.

What's it about?
It's the ‘UOB Easy Money Deal’ Campaign
Promotion: Customers will be receive S$50 cash incentive. Plus, purchase an iPod Shuffle at a special price of S$129 retailing at S$178.

All you need to do is open a new FlexiDeposit account with S$5,000 made with new funds only, (Not transferred from an existing UOB savings/current/fixed deposit account or in the form UOB cheques or cashier’s order) And if you have an existing FlexiDeposit account, you can deposit S$5,000 (new funds only) at any UOB branch to enjoy the offer.

Hmm the catch is that the S$5,000 deposit must be maintained in the account for a period of 3 months. If the deposit is withdrawn within 3 months, the Bank will deduct the S$50 cash incentive plus the cost of S$49 for the iPod Shuffle. And if the new FlexiDeposit account is closed within 6 months, an account closure fee of S$30 will apply. (But the latter applies to all acc)

So it's really that easy. What's more this acc lets you earn more interest that other banks.

So please come and look for me at these branches and these dates and timing, because we have stupid targets to meet. 40 accounts per day!

I'm on schedule on
9 April : Orchard branch (besides old OG) 11-8pm
11 April :City hall auto lobby (in the MRT station) 11-2pm
13 April : City hall auto lobby 11-8pm
14 April : City hall auto lobby 11-2pm
26 April : Tiong Bahru 11-2pm

Come come okay :)and MUST look for me yeah. If keen just get forms from me. Buy one coffee for one account!

Feeling so lousy about myself. Just had a brainstorming session with a few person if we should proceed or cancel the bbq on Sunday. Feel so miserly for complaining about the booked pit, little faith that pple wun come, the sky will pour...

Rain Rain go away...

And yes the bbq is still on! Pit 18 at East Coast Park, see you there!

Chocolate craving

Had such strong chocolate craving. But had to watch my diet so I settled for chocolate milk and twigges. I want chocolate!!!!! I demand to have them NOW!

I have to work on weekends! Please pray that I can siam man. Don't they know that our personal lifes are more important that the interest of the bank, unless we're paid OT... No, then again,, I rather have my weekend. Do pray do pray... I wanna go for E training on Sat and BBQ on Sun.

With a grateful heart

So so much to be thankful for.

Easter Sunday last week was great. So humbled to be a part of this family in CP. Seeing how everyone gave their best for the Lord, from the dancers, to musicians, to actors and actress, to the backstage and logistics and all involved. And through all the email exchanges among the cell, the planning comm, all I can say is, how beautiful it is. Easter reminded me once again of the price that the Lord Jesus bought me for, His Blood. What more can I ever ask for? And Praise the Lord! 7 cases of salvations :) Heaven is indeed rejoicing at these new family additions.

Work wise, God has proven to be oh so good and faithful. Just when I feel this aspect of my life collapsing, God sprung a surprise on me by turning things around, a promotion and a mean bonus! God you are indeed in control. I still recall that I wasn't intending to go to the office last Thursday after my training, because I didn't wanna get bogged down by work so that my mind is clear before the drama. But my boss insisted that I return. But it was worthwhile and truely nothing short of a miracle too.

Mom came to church today. Yeah! Pray that she'll come more regularly and get more integrated into a cell group too. I think it's something that she desires as well, but she's just holding because of bad experiences she had in the past and she's been too dependent on my Dad to accompany her. And it's really up to me to keep praying for her and also to make every effort to get her to church. Want her to be connected so that she'll not get easily swayed and stop going again esp if I'm not going to be living under the same roof as her in the near future.

It's also after the Meet the Parents session today, that I get into the mindset of parents and see a little more from my mom's perspective. It's funny how a mom shared how her son complained that she nagged at him, when to her, she was trying to talk and communicate to him. I guess a lot of times, I'm like that too. I need more patience, patience and love. Wrote this in my journal, "Who by being judgemental can draw others to Christ?"

The story of the Samartian woman says it all... If not because of the acceptance, the love and the forgiveness of God, how can she ever know the Messiah? But how often have I been like the Pharisee to be so quick to condemn, so quick to judge. Sometimes to really show and express love is easier said than done. Esp to love those whom we think are not worthy to be loved. I'm learning, still learning.

Thank you God for loving me.

Another shot at balloting for the flat
Too bad the one at Toa Payoh is so overbooked so no chance to live in the good old north.
So Alexis, what's next? (This hint is so NOT subtle)
Anyway the results won't be out till like May, June? So there's still time, still time. *Muahaha*


About Balloting Exercise

.

The Balloting Exercise (BE) offers an opportunity for eligible flat buyers to own their ideal home in an established estate. The new apartments were built for the Selective En-bloc Redevelopment Scheme (SERS). The surplus units after meeting the rehousing needs of the SERS lessees are offered for sale to public applicants through balloting.

Most of these new apartments are 4-room and 5-room standard units located in popular estates such as Ang Mo Kio, Bedok, Bukit Merah,(this's the one we chose) Kallang/Whampoa, Geylang and Toa Payoh. Each town offers a unique all-encompassing living experience - vibrant Town Centre, efficient public transportation, great shopping and entertainment, famous eating places, and much more.

Besides satisfying the urgent need for accomodation, the sale of these flats also serves to strengthen community ties and facilitate family bonding for mutual care and support. Special priority is accorded to first-timers and married children staying near or with their parents.

Home in a mature town is about meeting all your physical, social, educational and recreational needs.

Been feeling pretty bummed these days. Haven't been in the mood for a lot of things. And while I know full well that there are things to be done I am just too tired, too lazy or too restless to do them. And just feel guilty too for not having the will and the heart to do them.

Been thinking of changing jobs recently. Things at work are looking quite ugly. Sigh...They say the lifespan of your average job is two years, then my turn must be reaching soon.

Reaching the turn of a quarter of a century. Reaching another turn of my life... About turn!

Box Doodle

Check out the box doodle. It's so cool. How about seeing it in action in FNL? Can you envision that?

Coolness...

There has been days when I get those out of the body experience. And I think it's the caffaine that's causing this. Too much caffine, too much caffine. Caffine from kopi, from, from Rotiboy. And it's one cup too many...
Maybe I should look for my kicks elsewhere. But I can bearly keep myself awake at work. Work, oh dreaded work. I'm getting bored, getting frustrated, getting angry, feeling unhappy at work :( Perhaps the answer to it all, sleep on it! So to Lala land I go, where work is painting nice scenery by the pond, making coffee.. Oh no coffee again ....

Argh..

Give me your best shot

Had an extended session for cell yesterday which ended almost 1 a.m. Lots of things were shared and it was a quite intense time for me, with the pressure of knowing that we were all tired and had to work tomorrow. Just had so much random thoughts with no specific conclusions and I didn't know how to express what was inside my head. Which made me hold back for fear that I may sound shallow and angry. And I could feel the emotions just whelling up within that if I continued I might just cry.

There's just a lot of frustration within too. Like struggling to be a friend instead of a churchmate, a cell member, a cell leader. Don't want to be defined by what I am doing, ministries that I'm serving. I want to be who I am for what I am, not what I do. And honestly I feel that there's so much I can't do too. Not only in church but also in the area of my work. Just feel small and insignificant like so so so many times. And I am just so thankful for those who have prayed for me, supported me, encouraged me. I am just so touched that I am loved. But I also know that it's useless to feel defeated and small and to allow fear to paralyse me that I just stay out and not advance and move into where God is leading becuase my vision is blurred from the crying.

Also frustrated because I haven't walk the talk yet about valuing people. I think my earlier entry is what I really want but am still so far from it too. Because I have been more of a loner than one who's surrounded by friends in sch and work. I used to be so occupied thinking that I have to build deep relationships that I minimise the more superfical friendships. But over the years, even the seemingly deep relationships that I had with a couple of my friends have seen the water mark rising. And at those times, I begin to doubt who I am too. Why am I such a lousy friend. Why can't I just be more "loose" in my frienships. Be more daring to let people into my life, to give other a chance to leave their footprints in my life, to colour the world of others...

Sometimes I fear it's just a sudden spur of the moment thing. To want this so bad now but then to hold back and then let it fade into the background of life. To say this because it makes me sound like I really want to love but yet am still hesitant to make the effort, fearful to put myself out there and risk being hurt, disappointed, uncertain on how to get there.

And even as I read this, I'm still wondering if it makes any sense at all. Maybe I should just take one step at a time. God's strength and grace like His manna are good for only one day so that we can go to Him daily.

What do you value?

There's been a lot on my mind with the recent news of a dear sister and friend who's going to another church. On one hand I can totally under why she's moving, but on the other hand, I question if I have really been a friend or a mere fellow church mate to her. While I totally enjoy her company and have been blessed and in return she too have left footprints of her in my life but it got me wondering if I've been treating people from church as a church mate than a friend. Getting together only to have cell, to have meetings, seeing each other only in church, to talk about ministries, but not being friends. Friends who can just hang out together, chat, have fun, catch up on each other's lives, friend who can share without feeling condemantion like they will jump and preach at you. Friends were there are no need for fences, friends that you can let down your guard and know you'll still be accecpted, be loved, be treasured, be cherished.

And I think that's how I've been treating my cell members too. Concerned about their spiritual growth, that I neglect being their friend. Just wanting to pray with them, than just hang out with them. Not that praying together, spurring one another in our faith is not important but I feel that I have not treasured them as friends enough.

It was one of my new year resolutions to be more generous this year. Be it in my time, my affections, my energy, my resources, my abilities, with whatever I can give. And I want to spend more time with my friends, friends whom I may see so often but never had time to sit down and chat, friends from sch, friends from the past and my family.

One thing that I really value? Am I allowed to mention more than 1?
I value people. I value friendship. I value kinship.
I value people...

Happy Valentines's Day

This one's for you dear.

Put your head on my shoulder
Put your head on my shoulder
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me that you love me too

Put your lips next to mine, dear
Won't you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss goodnight, may be
You and I will fall in love

Some people say that love's a game
A game you just can't win
If there's a way
I'll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too.

Some people say that love's a game
A game you just can't win
If there's a way
I'll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear, tell me
Put your head on my shoulder

Chinese New Year didn't start on the note that I had expected. For some strange reason I was down with a very runny diarrhoea and vomiting. It's strange because I ate dinner like everyone else but no one was sick except me. No fair *pouts*
And just like that I had to suffer from countless visit to the toilet as I sing "loo, loo skip to my loo". No I correct myself I ought to be singing"loo, loo run to my loo"...

So I got MC for the day on CNY eve but wasted the day away just alternating between running to the loo and sleeping. Gosh I really need good health, shen ti jian kang. That's very important. And to think that I had to forgo such glorious food during this wonder festive season and missed all the delicacy that my grandma whipped up and had to be confined to soupy, clear, no fried, no oily food, which is non-existent in my grandma's place on CNY! The dishes she cooks are downright sinful and boy am I going for another round kind of food. And I missed the fireworks on CNY too coz I need to be within 3m of an empty toilet.

Well but thank God I am better now as I'm typing this entry. So I should be in a better form, regaining momentum to start my cny indulgence very soon. So pardon me if I grab the love letter from your hand or snatch the pineapple from your plate, but I'll remember to share.

The side effects of the author's sickness is indisputable, so let her have your food and dun argue.

Festive Mood

Had a very yummy lunch with Mayling today. She brought me to this Chinese eatery that served Rabbit brand sharksfin. I was still laughing the other day because I received a hamper with that particular brand of sharksfin and the only association I have with Rabbit brand is the sweet with the paper wrapper.

Anyway the sharkfin at $4.90 was really not bad. Came complete with udon and desert too. Oh and the beancurd was so good too. Found another good makan place. There's never a lack of good food here in Raffles Place.

And sharkfin's so irrestible that my mom actually cook it for dinner as well. What a coincidence and what a treat.

Chinese New Year eve tomorrow, hope that I get to knock off earlier. Apparently we only get to leave at 3pm, how can??? *pouts* And I'll be off to catch the fireworks at the River Ang Bao after my reunion Dinner. Just love the fire works.

Has an awful bout of stomachache today on my way to church. Hurt so pain, I was holding my tummy,cringing in the car seat while the tears flowed freely. Wasn't anyway I could go to church anymore so Alexis sent me home to rest. The pain was really unlike any other, it seemed like cramps but like a thousand times more painful.

Am okay now, but really made me quite scared. Coz you know it's not the pain that makes you want to run to the toilet, neither did it vanish after I popped some panadol. Makes you realize all the more how important health is.

Glad the exercise regime has so far taken off since the beginning of the year, thanks to my dear Alexis who's ever so determined to help me lose the pounds :p But to no avail however. He's too kind to allow me to indluge in KFC, chilli crab after eating that's why.

Oh and with Chinese New Year around the corner, how can you not indulge in good glorious food, accompanined by tasty goodies like bak kwa, pineapple tarts... So exercise regime will go on hold for a week. I'll be back for a vengence. *Muahaha*

I've gone back to good old penning down thoughts and random ramblings in diary instead of blogging days.

Anyway bumped into a couple of old friends these few days. Perhaps God's nudging me in what I've been praying for, revival. Revival is never without the turning of hearts to God for those who know the Lord and more so for those who haven't. It's all about souls, lives, hearts. Been praying for souls, praying for overcrowding in church, in FNL service and in heaven :)But I'm sure there's room for more in heaven.

While I'm praying for revival, I'm also praying for boldness and confidence in the Lord to share the gospel fearlessly. Had the opportunity to invite my colleague to church for our Easter drama. Yes did realise that it's more than a month away, but it was a good ice breaker. Want to be the salt and the light in where I am, be it my home, work or community.

FRIDAY NITE LIVE!

See you there

For my fellow youth leader

Click here, type in your name and soak up some affirmation!

Year of Training

What entitles in this year of training? Will I am able to take the training, Lord? It's only Jan and so much has happened and even more to come in the months ahead. Though there's much excitment and anticipation, there's also uncertainity in how everything will fall into place. But I'm keeping my eyes on Him.

Counting the cost, paying the price.

Still learning to pray, not my will, but yours be done.

I'm keeping myself open to what God wants to be in my life, in my heart, in my family, in my ministry, in my relationship... Learning to trust in His soverignity in everything. At times, I just want God to work faster in situations in my life, but He's teaching me surrender. Getting my hands off so that He can work.

Lots more training ahead too. I'm learning, I'm learning.. please be patient with this work in progress.

One week since I'm back to work. Gosh I miss my medical leave :P Esp miss the times when I can just wake up, have breakfast, get down to do quiet time then spend more time reading the Bible, just talking to God, singing, dreaming, lazing too heh :) Yeah I think the most valuable thing that I cultivated during my leave was a new love for the Bible and for praying. I'm getting to my goal of reading the whole Bible from cover to cover!

I think it goes hand in hand. The more I read, the more I am intrigued, the more I question, ponder, pray, seek, the more I receive revelations of certain qualities and personality of God. Kowing God and not just reading about God. And I'm just so wowed... It's really living active Word of God in action. But there have been days when I read it just to complete my "quota" and they usually are not as wow. Of course now that I'm working, spending hours reading the Bible is not possible. But I make time nevertheless to get deep into His Word to get a new slice of Him.

First Fire Meeting of 2005. I'm still learning ... What may seem so natural to others I'm still leaning them. Learning to pray "not my will, but yours be done", being sensitive to the voice of Holy Spirit, praying at all times, praying from the Father's heart, confidence and boldness to just PRAY, learning to pray corporately. Learning new faceats of prayer, learning that everyone is an intercessor, learning that everyone can know the secrets of God's heart. God make me so sensitive, awaken my senses.

Bought 2 cds from Trumpet Praise today.





I wanna pick up the guitar this year. Rach, Alexis and I, on ah! Ha