The secret of staying close to God

Susan's no preacher. But the little that Susan knows from her personal spiritual walk, Susan wants to share on the secret of staying close to God. Just one word, and like my name, it starts with "S". Submission, surrender. An act where you lay yourself down, when you give up your defences, when you choose His will over your own will. When you can say, "Not my will, but yours be done."

Being in a corporate world, my role is to be a witness, a light in the marketplace that shines for Jesus. But sometimes it really seems difficult not to get sucked in the system of the world. Not to complain alongside my collegues, not to feel the stress and the dready feeling of going to work, to keep the joy of the Lord and to bring hope to the work place. But the reason I feel this way is because I have seperated work from God. But God should be in my everything and in my job as well. I'm still trying to learn how to balance work and my relationship with God. And I do know that if He cared enough to provide for my job, would He not care to see me through the obstacles that I face at work too?

Submission, surrender. The Lord has been speaking to me on this area for a while and it takes humility and obedience for me to learn to sit at His feet once again. To do nothing but to gaze upon His loveliness and enjoy His presence. Today as I was in the service, I can't help but be reminded of these words. The secret of being close to God is to submit myself to His will. And if I can just do that, the rest will slowly fall in place. For me to make a difference in the marketplace, to keep humbled, to remain grateful and thankful, to keep serving God and His people, to want to know Him more, to love Him and His people more....

All good things starts with "S"...
Saviour
Salvation
Secret of knowing God
Submission
Surrender
Susan :)

Dazed

Felt zombiefied today. Head seems to be swimming and feeling half awake the whole day. Slept till 10 this morning and even took a short nap. But I'm already sleepy and yawning away.

High heels- peppy, up-beat, and outgoing, you are
most likely a cheerleader of some sort. You
are usually happy and insist that others are
too. When you aren't cheering you are probably
at a party having a blast. [please vote! thank
you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
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Ewww I don't like that design. Looks like the footwear of a retro ah-lian. And thank you but to be associated with a lian is no compliment. Now my kind of shoe would be a kitten heeled, pink pokka dot slip on. Something that's naughty and nice, sweet and cute. Or maybe something with butterflies or ribbons or beads and frills.

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I'm a 12? What's that supposed to mean?
Having a mean headache that's getting me down. Think it will be an early night for me, of course after American Idol is over. Oh boy, this week's group is SO good! Esp Latoya, like I was so WOW after I heard her. Yeah she's got a quiet confidence about her which makes her SHINE! Sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it.

Latoya got through and so did Amy. OK, time to sleep

Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

This morning I had to literally drag myself outta bed to go to work. Work has been pretty dreadful for me these days. Feel demoralized because I'm feeling that I'm not contributing my best... yet. So that means that I have room to improve, more learning opportunities and the potential to explore and the chance to pick up new skills. I don't always feel the compelling urge to give my best in what I do, but recently I've been feeling more dis-satified workwise. But only because I feel that I could do a lot more. Sometimes what I feel I'm doing is simply fighting fire everyday. But oh well, somethings are really beyond me, so no pont worrying about those. Just keep focused on what's important in my job and give it my best.

Only thing that I was satisfied by the end of the day, is that I managed to develop collaterals for an up-coming promotion. Not seeing eye to eye with the boss on somethings and it really bothers me alot. Haha I've been complaining about it to Alexis alot! He knows what I'm facing and I do feel like I'm put in a difficult position, trying to balance the demands of the job and the boss....

But at the end of the day, no matter how unhappy I am, I still remind myself to remain grateful!:) Doing my QT helps me keep my attitudes and life in check too. Truth be told, my mind is still a battle ground with the baddie thoughts and goodie thoughts. It's a war that I go thru, but making it a point to keep my life open to God so that He can show me the areas that I need Him more so that I can be transformed daily in His image and in His likeness.

Gosh time for bed now...Night people.

Yesterday I questioned myself. What are my strengths, what are my talents, what am I good at. Felt very inadequate in my job and in my ministry. In conclusion, I can only call myself a jack of all trades but master of none.

I look around and see everyone having a talent or capability that is so prominent. They have dreams and a passion for something larger than themselves. But what do I have? I have no starking abilities in any areas.

Was just ranting to Alexis that I feel so lousy and so useless. Feeling that I'm so not marketing material and that I'm not not cut out for this job. I do know that being my first job, I have so much to learn and I'm not great at my skills yet. But personality wise, just don't feel like a marketing person too. Like when I look at the other marketing collegues, everything about them screams marketing. They are so well groomed, speak with so much confidence and have all these great ideas...

And also with regards to ministry, I just feel so argh sometimes.... I dun even kow where to begin. Just feel like giving it up sometimes. Feel I'm so not the kind of person to do publicity. And having interest doesn't means you are good or can be good. Come to think of it, what was done for Christmas is not even anywhere near good. Think I'm not going to do it in future and leave the experts to do their job.

But well like Alexis said too, he's not the best person to be doing video or media, but he doesn't mind that's why he's doing it. Maybe that's what I'm too? I'm no where near good for doing publicity but only cause I don't mind doing it that's why I'm doing it again... I really feel confused and demoralized. Like obviously I aint the best person to do it, but yet I still do it. I just feel that I need to have a passion for something in life, but what is it? Or maybe I just don't.....

Confused..

Been some time since I last blogged. It's 10:55am and here I am at home. Took half day leave today coz I had a stomachache this morning. Feeling much better now after lunch or brunch too.

But I cant wait to go back to work later. Mom's been nagging me non-stop. Gosh I cant stand it man. Just ignoring her when she yaks her at me non-stop. "Susan, why don't you hang your clothes up," "Susan, why dun pack your room".. HELLO I'm not feeling well! Just give me a break, Sheesh...

Did the most adventurous thing on Sunday. Went jogging at MacRitchie. Now don't look at me with such suspicion. I really did!! Decided to get back to nature and start having a more balanced lifestyle, so it wa time to go jogging. Oh for those of you who haven't been there in ages.. and I'm guessing probabaly all of you, they built this board walk around the edge of the forest giving you another option besides jogging inside the forest. I liked the board walk because for one thing, it's less tiring to walk on level ground than the undulating inside. And you get to have the view of the reserviour and the monkeys too. Ha I was so terrified that they'll just go amok and jump on me and that I'll just freak out and throw myself into the reserviour! Oh gotta be careful when you walk on the boardwalk coz there are no railings and you might just drop in.. But it's the shallow parts so it's not that scary.

But as we made our way back, we jogged inside the forest and boy was it a test of stamina! Panting and almost dying.. But this will be good training for Alexis as he's gonna have his IPPT next month. So more jogging for him and me!

When the boss is away...

Now it's not an everyday thing when you have the two bosses on leave. So when the bosses are away, Susan goes for 2 hour lunch coming back to work feeling guilt-free :)

Had lunch at Pasta Frasca in Boat Quay today followed by some window shopping. I fought off the temptation to eat icecream from Crepes and Cream while my collegues happily ate theirs. Yesterday the whole bunch of collegues had lunch at Boat Quay (again!) We went to this malay food stall that received a number of food oscars for the makan sutra. My verdict, SEDAP :) Yummy food. And after lunch, it was time to chill out over coffee at Olio Dome.

From tomorrow, I'll have to look hard at work again. Hmm correction, I am always hard at work... Oh well it's Wednesday and I cant wait for the week to be over.

Valentines Day

Valentine's Day not too long away.. and if I can count correctly with all my fingers and toes, it's just 11 days away. Time when the retailers hit love fools with gimmicks of all sorts to help couple express their undying love and unwavering affections to each other. Anything from the cuddly teddies, flowers, candlelight dinners. I would like to think that love can be found in the day to day affairs. No need for a special day to say those words, "I love you". But then I'm also a sucker for flowers and gifts and cards. *sheepish grin*

So Alexis and I went to get ourselves matching glasses. Yeah nothing novel about the idea since there's already a couple in church that sports matching glasses as well. But since we're practical folks, (K maybe my other half who's the one who qualifies :P ) we thought it's more useful to have a spare pair of glasses than say a soft toy or maybe flowers. Took us forever to choose a pair of frames that's suitable for both of us, esp when you imagine how different our faces are. Me: BIG and round, Alexis: Long and narrow. But thank God for patient, friendly staff who entertained our requests for, "Yes that brown pair... No no the other one.... Erm how about the one in Red" We'll be collecting them next Sunday, I'm so excited... And now I feeling like making another pair of plastic frames, since the cost to replace the lense will probaly costs more than a pair of new glasses with lenses! Yipe yipe, I'm getting so vain. Tsk tsk...Shame on me.

Vanity Vanity. I am having one of those days when I dread my reflection in the mirror. The face that stares back looks lifeless with no colour and no vitality, eye bags, dull skin, pimples... I need a dose of vitamin E, I need more sleep, I need the sunshine, I need more love, I need more affirmation that looks are not everything. Though some will agree that while it's not everything, it is something and to some a BIG thing. If you take a look at the majority of females out there, you'll have to agree with me that most of them are looking good, looking tall, looking slim, yeah all the sweet young things. Alexis seems to agree and told me in a non-chalent manner, "yah you should lose weight" before being glued to the goggle box again. I'm one who prides in the fact that my guy doesn't not matter me being chubbier than him.. but when he said that, after my afternoon of ranting how unattractive I felt, my self esteem took a plunge. *Sulkly/ black face/ angry/ upset/ hurt* You cut me deep there brudder...

This is one reason why I should caution all girls to consider if they can accept it if your guy looks slimmer than you, has higher metabolic rate than you, have smoother, clearer complexion than you, coz when they make such comments, they don't know the amount of struggle you put up as a chubby, pimple faced girl who tries her best to lose weight and look good but still cant seem to get to their ideal esp when the world place such high emphasis on looks and beauty *shallow*. I know Alexis means no harm, but it really hurts. He knows I'm on a diet, though the only progress that I have is cut down on my food intake. He knows I'm starting to work out an exercise regime, though it's not easy with my work schedule. But come on man, I hope to think that I'm doing all these not cause I'm shallow and think that beauty and looks are all that matters but a healthy lifestyle that will contribute to my overall well being.

Anyway conclusion is, yes I did over-reacted about your comment about me having to lose weight, but do remember that I'm still trying. We both have faults too but to bicker on such trival things gets so emotionally tiring. I want to be more open to your comments. You be more supportive too, thank you. And sorry for the needless quarrel.